


The Shape Of Me

by Vissionary_Writer



Category: The Shape of Water (2017)
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Family Drama, My First Fanfic, Prequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-04-04 14:56:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 28,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14022708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vissionary_Writer/pseuds/Vissionary_Writer
Summary: If I told you about it, what would I say? That who she was? that where she came from? The part that’s look like the beginning of her story was actually the ended of another story.





	1. Her Name Is Elisabeth Jeane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the First chapter!!! Thanks for reading my first fanfic on AO3!!! actually I wrote this fanfic on my fanfic.net too! I watched The Shape Of Water twice, and read tons of fanfic sequel, but I noticed that prequel fanfics are very rare. SO I decide to write one of my own! the story will be based on the movie-canon, not the book canon:)

March 25th 1925, thunder echoes the sky as the rain soak the ground. A police car stopped in front of Our Lady of Sorrows Orphanage, the doors opened, a police get down from the car with something held tight in his arm. He knock the door few times until it finally open, and nun appeared in her pajamas.

“Oh my god! what happened to it?,” a young nun asked in horror after she saw what the police holding in his arm.

A pale tiny baby wrapped in soaked towel, with scars on both sides of its neck as the baby cried silently.

“I found her at the river, her name is Elisabeth Jeane, can you take care of her?” he asked. 

The nun nod, and take the baby. She cuddle the baby in her arms as she watch the police leave. The part that’s look like the beginning of her story was actually the ended of another story.

<<<<

October 10th 1923.

The bedroom was completely dark, left only a dim light from a small lamp near the large bed as a young woman enjoying her sweet dream. The alarm clock goes off, she silent it in a split second as she’s slowly got off from bed. It’s 8th o’clock, the break fast will be ready in 30 minute. 

She open her wardrobe, and pick out a silk peach dress with brown coat that match with her shoe. She couldn’t bring all outfits from home due to the luggage’s limit, but she’s glad that she have brought all the shoes she love. She pick up her clutch, and look around for one last time before she leave the room. The hall lead her to the breakfast lounge.

The gates pull open, it’s was crowded with noise just like how she’s expect. People, enjoying wines, party, and business talk. She walk through the crowd to find her family table.

“Janessa!” I voice called her, she quickly turned around, and found her parent joining meal with another family, “Over here, child”, her father called. 

Janessa walked toward the table, and joined the seat.

“Janessa, this is Mr. Nicolas Strickland, my new co-worker” her father introduced his friend as Nicolas offered his hand.  
“I’m Janessa Jeane” she replied, and they shakes hand.

Everyone starts picking their food in the middle of the table that served almost enough for whole school.  
“Your father said you like shoes, I know few shop in Baltimore, Do you want to go there when we get there?” Mrs. Strickland asked.  
“Of course!” she replied brightly.

She listen to her father talk to Nicolas about his old life in London, and how he got promoted to work in America. After she finished, she leave the lounge, and head toward the balcony. She walk toward the fench and take a deep breath, as she stared out at the North Atlantic Ocean.

She move to sat on an empty couch, and pulled out a book. She whistling happily as she wrote something in her pages. 

<<<<

Inside the luxury suit room, Mr. & Mrs. Jeane get dressed in their casual clothes, and put their formal gowns, and luxury assesories back inside the suitcase.

“Tina and I will go for a stroll, you’ll stay in the library with Nicolas, right?” Mrs. Jeane asked as she combing he hair.  
“Yes” he Mr. Jeane replied shortly.

He put his papers in a briefcase, most of them are about science, and experiments, one of them have a big stamp said “OCCAM AEROSPACE RESEARCH CENTER”. He close the case and put on his glasses.

“I’ll be back for dinner at 8,” he tell her, and grab the key, “Bye.” he said, and leave.

<<<<

The night cames fast due to the weather, Janessa look up the sky as she stood on deck near fence before look down on her watch, it’s 7:45. Mum and dad will be in the lounge soon, maybe it’s time to go get change for dinner. 

She was about to leave until she heard a splash noise from behind her. She turn around to look, there’s no way that the shark cold be here, they won’t even come near the ship, but she swear she saw something look like a very very big fish, she tried to have a clearer look, but due to the ship’s height, it’s very hard to see.

After long stared, she decided to give up. She turn around to leave, and suddenly, a group of children that playing around there accidently knock her out. She loose her balance, and slipped off from the fence. She grip the fence tight, and scream for help. 

“OH my god!” the kids shouted in horror, “Help!!!” the kids scream as she did too.

She grip the fence painfully tight as she wait for the guards come, but it’s too late. She body fall out from the boat just after the guards come, and when her body finally hit the water, her world turned black.


	2. I’m in Amazon!!!

He swam closer to observe her, as she sinking softly. The dress flowed freely as he looked at her. Makeup on her face starts to melted down due to the water. Her face was paled like a newborn pearl with peacefully closed eyes. Webbed hands gently brush the bangs out from her face as another holding her tiny body.

>>>>

Janessa opened her eyes tiredly as the sun blinded her. Rolling over and struggled to stand up as she look around. Dirts beneath her were soft, and humid as she was surround by trees, it’s a rainforest.

She screamed, and falled back after she realized a pair of emeralds eyes were staring at her. It’s body was covered in dark colors with shaded blues and dark brown encroached on his black. His fins fluttered with a soft yellow to light green at the tips with the scales enclosed his form like armor. 

He raised his hands up as if to calm her down. She don’t know what it is, but she’s sure it’s not an animal. There’s no way that she would survive last night without help, and it might be her savior.

“Y-You saved me?” She asked as she steady herself.

He looked at her and cocked his head to the left, she don’t know he understand her or not but she’s sure he know she was trying to talk with him.

“I’m Janessa, but my friend called me Janis” she introduced herself.

He stepped closer, and offered her his hand to help her stand up. She took his hand, and stood up. She look at him again, he’s so tall, from his body shape she can tell he might be a fish-man or amphibian-man.

He chirped as if he’ve said something to her, he gently take her hand and lead her inside the forest. They passed many trees untill they are in the deepest part of the forest where there were tribes villages.

The villagers approached them and scream in joy in their native languages. He chirped something in reply as if they talking something, leave her with wonders. She look at them and remember the tribes from her books.

“Alucuyana, the Wayanas” she mummered to herself, “I’m in Amazon!!!”.

Her shout cause all the tribe to looked at her, the elder screamed in joy, and moved closer to observe her before hold her tight. The elder shout something in joy again cause her fish-friend to sigh annoyingly.

The native throw the flowers happily at her and her fish friend as he lead her through a tree arch. They walked few step until she heard a voice in her head.

“They thought you are my mate” she jump slightly when she heard voice in her head.  
“Y-You talk?” she stop walking as she asked.  
“You’ve pass the gate” he said and pointed back at the arch they just walked through.

The villages were gone, left on the trees. There’s no scientific way to explain this, she have enter another world!

“You can understand us now” he finish, and show her what she never thought would be exist on Earth, the magical forest.

Butterflies dances in the air as the trees were embraced with brightly colorful flowers. The blue buttflies passed them, the size was almost compared to a cat! 2 giant birds landed in front of them, 2 elfs with crystally shine skin smiles excitedly as they greeted her.

The others starts to came out of their hidding, the pale natives from the huts, leaf-men from the trees, and amphibian-men from the river. Everyone get out of their hidding to see the first human they have seen.

“He finally found his mate!” the elder amphibian-man scream in joy.  
“Guys!” her savior shout shyly, “She’s not my mate!  
“Then how did she got through the barrier?” another leaf creature asked.  
“She don’t look like the Wayanas outside at all” a young amphibian boy around 7 years old said, “Who is she?”  
“Janessa her name is Janessa” hes savior replied.

She notice she let her savior replied too much question, maybe it’s time for her to say something.

“You can call me Janis” she said finally, “I’m from London”, she think what should she say next, “And who are you all?”  
“Maybe we should bring her to Horchberg” a young elf asked, “He knows everything, he can answer both her questions and ours”

They leed her to the middle part of the land where the waterfalls creat circle ring around the large tree. A chubby old man got up from the stone where he sat as they approach.

“She is finally here Karian” the old man said happily when he see her.  
“I found her at the North Pacific Ocean, sir.” her savior spoked.  
“Can you tell us how did she got through the barrier?” the elder amphibian-man asked.

Horchberg walk toward her and take her hands, and look at her deep to the mind and soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada!!! Charley’s world!!! The Alucuyana, and the Wayanas are the real tribe in Amazon forst, you can search them online:)I can’t find any young actress that look like Sally Hawkins at all, but another actress that I think they share similarity is Felicity Jones:)


	3. How Do You Know It’s Real?

After Janessa disapeared Mr and Mrs. Jeane hired captain to send the small boat to go find her. They wait outside of captain’s room with the Stricklands.

“What kind of mother are you!? how could you let her out of sight!?” Mr. Jeane shout at his wife angrily.

Mrs. Jeane said nothing, and the silent annoyed her husband. He hated silentness and secret more than anything. The Stricklands Family noticed the tense and decided to keep their mouth shut until captain finally got out of his room.

“Do they find her?” Mrs. Jeane asked as she stood up.  
“We’ve tried our best ma’am” captain replied sadly, “She’s gone.”  
“Are you sure you’ve check everywhere?” Nicolas asked.  
“We check the place where she falled twice.” the captain replied, “There’re no trace of her”

>>>>

A chubby paled man with long ears and white green hair walked toward Janessa, she remembered the elf called him Horchberg. She was supposed to be scared, but when she looked at the old man, she know he can’t harm her. He took her both hands, and looked at her with gentle smiled.

“She didn’t passed” the elder amphibian-man said finally, “You let her in”  
“Why did you take me?” She asked in horror.

What’s going on!? she asked herself, she was sured she wan’t dreamin, because she wasn’t creative enough to imagin this fancy magical world, and if the elder said Horchberg let her in, that’s mean he took her here!

She expected a short and easy answer, but what she got was only a gentle pat on het hand, and warm smiled. Not that she didin’t like it, but she hope for someone to at least just tell her what’s going on.

“Young child” Horchberg said genlty as he’s still holding her hand, “You lived in the bubble, but still I can I hear your lonely heart as you taking part to the future.”  
“But that doesn’t mean you can take me here!” she said shakely, “I have family, mum and dad would be so worry right now”  
“Believe me child, after you know what happen you won’t wanna go back” He replied sadly as he shook his head  
“Why?” she asked

What happened what is the exact reason he brought her here? he lead her toward a round translucent crystal. Her savior and others is sitll with her, the crystal slowly project the image of her parent fighting.

>>>>

“You are most horrible mother” Mr. Jeane croak as he collect his stuff and put it in his suitcase on top of the king size bed, “How the hell did you raised her!?”

Mrs. Jeane cried silently on the sofa near him.

“I should never have married you” he said, and close the case, “She end up being a dummy because of you while the othera family have perfect daughter who respect her father”.  
“So now you blame me!?” she cried angrily, “I’ve always look after her, and do everything on my own while you lock yourself with your work!”, she stood up and clenched her hand tight, “You’ve never truly cared about her!”

Mr. Jeane slammed his case loud, and walk to slapped her.

“How could you said that!?” he shout, “I gave her almost everything, luxury life, cars, and social while you gave nothing more than crazy stupid dreams, and food!”  
“But at least I cared about her more than you!” she shout back, “You’ve never even listen to her!”

And with that, Mr. Jeane put on his white suit and pick up his suitcase.

“Then fine, we’ll divorce”

He walk toward the door with his suitcase, and open the door. Mrs. Jeane stared after him, long after the door closed. She guess she can’t called herself Mr. Jeane anymore. However she glad that it ended this way, she glad her daughter didn’t live long enough to see this. Even her marriage have always been crooked, but she rather let her daughter rest in peace than she her parent divorce.

>>>>

Hours passed since he brought her here, we still don’t understand the exact reason Horchberg let her in, and she don’t speak a word since she realize what happened to her parent. He watched her sitting near the river where the water fairies are dancing around, they are too scared to get near her. 

She turned around to face me as I walked to sit next to her, I take a good look at her again, she is so different from other human I’ve saw. When I first saw her she was wearing plently layered of skin along with face painting, but in right in this moment she was so pure. She brown hair was tied up into ponytail with few flower tucked in, she still look so paled even she was already wearing white dress that Horchberg made for her.

“It’s so beautiful” she said with bright smile, “I almost thought it’s just a dream”.  
“How do you know it’s real?” I asked.  
“Because my life was too simple to believe in these stuff” she chuckle sarcasticly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama times! but don't worry, after this I'll add some original character from the movie with some Elisa's parent sweet time! I'll try my best to lead this fic to the beginning of the movie:)


	4. I Know You’re There

She watch the water fairies dancing above the water as they shine out blue colour from their body, and leave luminously beautifull marks on the river. She look at the creatures around them, some of them look like hedgehog with old man face, they are about 2-3 feet as they stood on 2 legs, and some of them look like elder man covered in mushrooms.

Her savior don’t speak a word to her, but why would he, she was a stranger, and they are from a completely different world. She might be lonely staying here, but at least I won’t have to go to America anymore. She don’t know what kind of stuff Fish-Man like to talk, so may be the best choice is get to know him first.

“What is your favourite sport beside swimming?” she asked.  
“Hunting” he replied shortly, “Both on land and water”.  
“I love music.” she told him, expecting him to say something, “I use to dream to become a singer, or an actress”

He said anything back, maybe she have to ask something so they could continue their talk.

“Do you have any plan for tomorrow?” she asked, he must at least have some.  
“Nope, I don’t” he replied shortly again. 

She felt awkward, each time she tried to talk with him, he just replied it shortly. She just wanna understand him, and be friend, why is it so hard. Maybe she should just leave him alone.

“I won’t bother you anymore then” she said, and leave.

>>>>

It was a cozy amber dawn, a red cardilac parked in front of a lare beautiful house. Mr. Jeane got down from the car with the Stricklands. They got inside the house with tons of luggage. Nicolas Strickland close the door and turn on the light.

“Richard, can you bring Mr. Jeane to the guess room?” Nicolas asked his 6 years old son.  
“Yes” he said, and place his backpack on the sofa.

Richard help Mr. Jeane carried his luggage, and led him to the guest room. Mr & Mrs Strickland carried their luggage upstair to their bedroom. Nicolas rearrange his messy working table as his wife put all used clothes in the laundry basket.

“How long do you think he gonna stay?” Mrs. Strickland asked her husband.  
“Until he can find place to stay, and we work in the same place, so it’s a good chance to get to get closer.” Nicolas answered.

She look out te window asthe dawn starts to shine into a bright morning.

“I’m worried about our son, he’s a loner wether in school or at home” she sigh.  
“Just give him time honey” Nicolas said as he hug her from behind, “He won’t be like that when he finally have family of his own.”  
“I hope so” she replied and kissed him.

>>>>

Mrs. Jeane walk across the street to a small shoe shop at the left side of the street next to lighting shop, “Hendry’s Shoes”(A/N: in the book was Julia’s Fine Shoes). The Large Window show bunch of shoes on the display as the red curtain still cover what’s inside the shop. She enter the shop with a large box in her hand as she walk to the man middle age man at the register.

“Anything I can do for you? ma’am” the man asked.  
“I want you to place these in your consignment section” Mrs. Jeane said, and place the large box in front of him.

The register man open the box and gasp when he saw what’s inside. It’s pairs of luxury shoes! it look so new as if it have never been wore at all.

“Are you sure? ma’am” the man asked shakely, as he pick up a pair of red shoe, “It look so new, I can sell it in a very good price, actually”  
“I don’t want the money” she replied, “That shoes mean so much to my daughter” she said and point at the red leather shoe the man was holding, “I want it to be in the hand of someone who really gonna love it”  
“I’ll make sure of it, ma’am” he put the shoes back inside the box, and close it.

>>>>

Janessa gathered a couple of fallen leafs, and flowers, she tried fold the leafs in to a small shoes. She notice some one is watching her, maybe it’s her savior, so she look up. A small creature hidding behind a rock, she smiled, and stop her working.

“I know you’re there” she said to the strandger who’s watching her, “Come out!” she called excitedly.

A pair of small fins hands cralwed out, follow with the head and body. It look exactly like her savior but younger. It crep closer, and look at what she’s folding in her hand. He tough it gently as he explored it.

“It’s called shoe” she tell it, “To cover the feet”

The young creature chirp excitedly, and look at it’s feet. She can’t tell it’s a male or female, due to the age, but from the physical, it look similar to a 7 years old child.

“Give me your feet,” she said, and offer her hand, “I’ll make one for you”

The young creature jump excitedly, and sit down, offering one of his feet to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired of those cheesy romance with perfectly sweet scripted, so there you go! real awkwardness of love! How Janis, and Karian gonna fall in love!?
> 
> PS. I've add so many Easter egg of the original movie in this chapter, can you count, and name each of them?


	5. Not Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to balance the traits that Elisa got from Janessa, and some from Karian. Janessa and Elisa share a lot of traits, they love shoes, music, and they are social butterfly, because we can see how Janessa tried to be friend with Karian no matter how hard it was. You don’t have to asked where did Elisa got the Gills from, it’s from her father, even we didn’t see much from him, because I didn’t write it yet, but even he seem like a shy person on the outside but, deep down, he’s a passionate, brave, and determined person who ready to do everything for the people he love.

A cardilac stopped in front of “The Occam Aerospace Research Center”, Mr. Jeane, and Nicolas got down from the car in their full uniform with lab coat on top. They entered the building, and got in an elevator. The hallway led them to ward to a large metal door marked Lab-4. Nicolas inserted a card into the slot and then typed passwords into the keypad. The door moved sideways.

The lab was huge, full with aquarium, and acrylic cages. Each of them have living test subjects, plants, fish, and rodens with a small motors launched against the side of the cage wall. Mr. Jeane, and Nicolas walk toward their saperated table at the back of the lab. They get their paper ready, and ready to began their work untill there’s a rang from the door. Nicolas sighed, and punch a button on his table, cause the door to side opened. A worker walked in, and looked at Nicolas.

“Dr. Strickland, I’m sorry for interrupting but, Mr. Raynolds wanna talk with you, and your new co-worker”.

>>>>

A female amphibian creature watched Karian as her son is playing with Janis. Her husband gathered the hunting group, ready to get out from the barrier.

“Karian!” Her husband brother called his brother as he stood a with the hunting group, “Wanna go hunting with us?” he asked.

Karian look at Janis as she’s still playing with her son, he shook his head to them, it’s weird! mostly he will always stick with his brother. And then...she notice the change in Karian, so she walk toward Janis, and her son.

“Mommy! Look!” Her son shout happily as he showing off his feet.  
“It’s nice! Charley” she reply as she look at the leaf shoes.

She walk closer to sat next to Janis and her son as Janis look somewhere far away. Charley follow Janis eyes direction, and signal his mom to look to, Janis was looking at Karian. 

“He didn’t hate you, Janis.” she tell Janis, “He’s just not good expressing his feeling”, she add, “He don’t talk much,whether to his brother or to me.”  
“Why?” Janis asked in surprised, she thought magical creatures have perfect life.  
“He was adopted, even my husband love him like brother, he feel like an outsider” she replied  
“He’s the first person I saw when I came here, I just want to know him more” Janis said hopelessly.  
“You love him?” Chaley asked bluntly innocent.

Janis know that he didn’t meant to be rude, he was still young so he just curious like all kids do. But did she love him? she don’t know, it’s too fast to tell.

“It’s too fast, maybe like, but not love” she tell him, “Not yet”

>>>>

Dr. Jeane, and Strickland entered an office, and sat in front of a table with name tagged, “Jason Raynolds”. A man age around 30s was playing with his 9 years old son at the corner of the room. He give a big teddy bear to his son, and walked to sat down on his seat in front of Dr. Jeane, and Strickland as a bank of security monitors still run behind him.

“Rupert Jeane. you’ve come from London, right?” Jason asked as he open the file.  
“I graduaded from Queen Mary University of London, and work in the London Aquarium Museum 5 years, sir.” Dr. Jeane replied.  
“Alright.” Jason said as he opened his drawer, “From your experience, I think you can handle this mission along with Nicolas.”

He handed an blue A4 size data portfolio to them. It’s a mission to for Dr. Rupert Jeane, and Dr. Nicolas Strickland to travle to Amazon Rainforest at the North part Brazil to collect aquatic living specimen

>>>>

It’s finally sunset in Amazon, the hunting pack has returned from outside of the barrier to prepare for dinner. Everyone gathered in separated group as they grilling their meals. Charley chirp happily when he saw his beef finally turned brown as he sat next to Janessa with his family. She pulled something outfrom her pocket, and wraped it around Karian’s neck. He quickly looked down at his neck after she pulled her hands out from his neck. It’s a pendant. The color of the orange quartz contrast with his skin. He look at her as if asking why she gave it to him.

“I made that.” she replied as she’s finishing her meal, “My mom said it bring good luck”.  
“Thanks” he replied shortly.

They finished their meals before everyone, but they can’t leave or it would be rude. So they just decided to sat there and wait.

“So, how old are you? Janessa” Karian’s father asked.  
“I’m 18” she replied.  
“Wow! only one year younger than him” Charley said excitedly as he nudged his uncle.

Karian flush as he look at his emptied grilled beef stick. Janessa laugh at what she saw, he’s a lot shyer than she thougnt

“Don’t tease him, Charley.” his mother scold him for teasing her brother.  
“Plus, she’s human” his father add.  
“So what?” Charley asked back inoccently, “You, and dad were only 17 when you both have me, and it’s doesn’t matter what species” he replied as he look at his parent.  
“Well, I didn’t care about love that much, but if I finally find someone who truly love me. I won’t hesitate to love him back” Janis tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of Little Charley? is he cute? the first thing I saw in him when I first saw the movie was his curiousness. 
> 
> I just launch my own music today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15hUcTs0fCw  
> I finished my Shape Of Water fanvid : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLljPsHFw_w&t=1s
> 
> PS. if you wanna see my personal life, this is my IG: https://www.instagram.com/lucky_purse/?hl=th


	6. Treat It With Respect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet time!!!

\- March 10, 1924 

6 Months After Janessa arrived at the Amazon, she finally settled, and builded a house on an strong oak tree with helped from Karian, and Sahoka(Karian’s sister in law). She was beginning to understand him better after times they have spended alone together everyday. 

It have became his routine now, pick her up from her oak tree house in the morning, hunting outside the barrier with his friends, blessing the Wayanas and heal them, and then evening time with Janessa, there would be fruits, punch juice and companionship. She dreamed of the him a lot when she was asleep, and miss him everytime he went for hunting. She will always came up with new recipe for her punch juice with help from little Charley.

She often sing her favourite song to Karian as they cooking together. Even they didn’t shared the same kind of like, because he didn’t like the same kind music she did or the clothes she like, but they accepted each other differeness, and that’s why they can get together even they argue sometimes.

He show her his world, and let her in his heart. She held hands, it felt unbelievablely warm, his skin was a lot softer than she thought. He touched her palm, and her skin on her bare arms. He turned his head slightly and blinked as she intertwined her small fingers with his, and clasping them gently.

She glad she left London, she remember her old days where she felt like an outsider, her friend would tease her and called her “Rich Dummy”. She have a lot more than she need, but she felt so alone and friendless. No one ever care for her or truly wondered what she have to go through.

However she promised herself that she will never talk about her old bad life to Karian, she want to let it die there with her oldself, and life in London. Karian was her best friend, and to thank him she will never risk her friendship with him just to get her bad thought old from her head. He meant a lot to her more than she could let him suffer the same way she did all her life.

But if even she can adjust to living in the Amazon now, there are still things that she’s still felt uncomfortable with. First: bathing, everyone her take bath in the river, even all creatures were always naked, but stripping herself to Take shower in the river still embarrassed to her. Second: Music, she missed her old record collection that she collected for years. 

She’d tried to just sang on her own, and teaching him to waltz, but failed due to his physical. So she decided to just wrapped her arms around him, and to her surprised, she felt his running down her back. He blinked down at her and slowly bent his head, touching their foreheads together. He closed closed his eyes as his skin started to turn into soft salmon pinks. 

>>>>

Janessa put on her ballet leaf shoes and got down from her tree house where Karian was waiting. She took his hand, and they leave the barrier to the wine festival ih the Wayanas Village. They greeted her with crown flower as always.

They grew closer so fast, due to their differences to others. Karian’s family watch him from the distance, his brother don’t like it that he grew to close with her. His brother watch in worried while the others stared at them with smile, because how cute they were.

“They grew to close, I don’t like that he’s always stay slone with her at all” Karian’s brother finally speak up, “He don’t hang out with his friends any more.”  
“She’s nice, I don’t know what you don’t like about her” Charley’s mother speak up, “Even he’s not an emotion shower, I can see how much he love her”  
“I don’t know what you guys think, but I like his eyes when he look at her” Karian’s father add, “I never see him this happy before in my life.”

>>>>

Nicolas put all papers in his brief case as his wife prepared luggage for him. Richard clenched the stuffered dolphin tightly in his arms as he stood at the door way. His parent kissed and hugged before his father walk to him.

“Hey buddy. why are you holding to so tight?” his father chuckle as he knelt to Richard’s eyes level, “Give it some air.”  
“You don't need to worry about it here, I can take care of mommy” Richard replied in the tone that Nicolas called ‘Leadership Tone”

Nicolas look at his son as he stood in erect posture. He always try to grow up, walked open chest and head held high, and some time he worried that did he made his son grow up to fast?

“Take it from me, son, it’s take a lot more than courage, and control to be a leader.” Nicolas advised, “No one can do everything on their own.” he add, “So listen and be open to the thoughts from others. Everyone have their differences, that’s why I’ve become scientist, because I want to learn how to understand them”  
“But it’s an animal, isn’t it the scientist’s job to keeping it tame?” Richard asked.

Nicolas wished he have more time to explain to his son, but time was never enough. He know that Richard despised Scientists, he said they are like artists:They fall in love with their playthings, and it’s true, but it’s a lot more than that.

“Richard, I don’t know you’ll follow my path or not when you grow up, but if you do, don’t forget that the test subjects are still the living, so treat it with respect. ok?” he asked.

Richard nod, and hugged his father. Nicolas gathered his bag, and put it in his car with Rupert’s stuff. Rupert sat in the seat next to him, and he drive to the dock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! I know the story is pretty rush, but I wanna finish Janessa and Karian time line, so I can start Elisa’s childhood:)


	7. I Do…

\- June, 1924 (4 Months Later).

Karian went for hunting outside the barrier with his brother as Janessa stay home with Charley, and his sister in law.

“Karian, don’t you think to talk to much with Janessa?” His brother asked.  
“Nope, why?” Karian asked back as they catching fished.  
“You’ll be 20 soon, don’t you think it’s time for you to settle your life, and find a mate?” his brother asked, “I think it’s a lot important than just hanging around with her.”  
“It’s none of your bussiness, Banowi, and I’m no longer a child” Karian replied bluntly and leave.

He ran home as fast as he could, he’s tired of being control by his brother. He never have any chance to choose what he want. He love her, and what is so wrong with that? he’ll live with her someday no matter what, and nothing can tear them apart too!

>>>>

Janessa, and Charley tested the punch juice they just made with lemon and raspberries. They used the coconut shells as the cups.

“Hmmmm! It’s yummy!” Charley said excitedly, “Mom! you have to try this!” he said, and handed it to his mom.  
“Let’s see” she replied and took a sip, “Not bad! next time I’ll teach you Sahoka’s Chicken Grilled.” she said as she finished the drink.

They laugh for awhile untill Karian walk in with sad face, Janessa notice the changed so she decided to go home.

“I’ll go home now” she said, and stand up, “See ya” he leave with Karian as Charley waving goodbye.

Karian remain silent as he walked her back to her tree house. His brother’s word still bothering him, so he decided to ask her.

“Did we talk to much?” he asked her.  
“Nope, why?” she said simply.  
“My brother said we talk to much, he don’t like you” he tell.

She turned to face him, and took his hands in hers. It’s the first time he really look at her into the eyes. She know it’s crazy, but if she don’t ask her, then who will?

“Can I asked you something?” she asked and he noded, “Do you love me?”

He seems shocked for awhile, if her family were here they would be so mad at her, because boys suppost to chase after girl not girl after boy. But she rather being call a stupid whore than livng in her own worried.  
“I do…” he replied shortly, “I-I love you”

She couldn’t hold back her smiled, his words were still echoed in her ears, it was so short, blunt, and almost too hard to believe, but deep down in her heart she know that he meant it. His brilliant eyes bore deep into her heart as she lifted one hand to carefully to the back of her neck and pulled him down to her. She tilted her head up and standing on tiptoes to her lips finally pressed against his.

A single kiss, their very first kiss, his markings sparkling up with soft pinks as they pulled out. Janessa let her silky blue dress falled from her shoulders, and pooled around her feet. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms his neck as he lifted her up in his arms in get her inside the tree house. 

He gently placed her on the cotton bed, and kissed her again. Janessa flung her arms around his neck, and wrapped her legs around his waist. She dropped her head against the pillow behind her, breathing heavily as she let him took her. 

>>>>

Banowi felt sorry about what he said to his brother, but Karian didn’t return home last night. So he decided to go looked for him, he think he should go ask Janessa. SO he walk toward her tree house. He was about to shake the iron bell, but he notice something on the ground. He pick it up, it’s her blue dress, the one she wore yesterday! He quickly climb up the tree, and open the door.

And there they were, laying on the cotton bed together with their eyes close. Janessa was completely bare without her dress. Karian’s arms wrapped tightly around her as she laid her head on his chest. Anger fuels his body, as he look at them. He didn’t have to think what they did, it’s obvious.

“What have you done!?” Banobi shouted cause them to woke up, “How could you seducted my brother!?” he shouted, and he grabbed her arm tight to pulled her out from Karian.  
“Let her go” Karian commanded.

Banowi look at him in surprised, his brother never disobey him! and now he do for just one woman?

“LET HER GO!!!” Karian shouted, and pulled her out from his brother’s grip.

She hold him tight as she shakes, and look at Banowi in horror. She wished she didn’t woke up like this. She should be woke up in Karian arms, and passion, not Banowi’s iron grip, and being embarassly nuded in front of 2 mens.

“Go away” Karian said firmly to his brother, “We’ll meet you at the river.”

2 mens staring at each other in intense for awhile before Banowi finally turned around to leave, and slam the door hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expected smut? nah, not yet, I wanna focus on drama first.


	8. She Is My Mate

“Are you crazy? Banowi” the Elder amphibian asked his son as he stood be hind Karian and Janessa.

Both of themstood infront of whole amphibian family, with their heads down, accept all the blamed. Janessa clenched her yellow dress tight as she cried.

“They have mated.” Banowi said he walked in front of Janessa to slapped her, “We offer place to stay, not to seduce our people!”  
“Calm down Banowi, listen to them first” Sahoka begged.  
“I have nothing more to listen! pack your stuff and get out!!” he said and pointed at Janessa as she cried, “From now on you aren’t allow to pass the barrier!!!”

Karian clenched his fist tight as he watch his lover cried, it’s so unfair, he thought to himself. He’ve being controlled for his whole life, and if his brother gonna make her suffer the way he was, he won’t allow it.

“She is my mate” Karian said firmly, “If she can’t stay here, then I won’t stay here too. I’ll go with her”

Banowi was surprised by his brother’s words, he look at Janessa with hard stared, cause her to turned her face away.

“We’ve been look after you all your life! who’s gonna take care of you!?” Banowi challenge.  
“I will.” Janessa said finally, “Even it’s hard, but I must do it” she said, and held Karian’s hand tight.  
“I’m grown up, brother” Karian said calmly, “From now on my life is hers”

Everyone in the family look at each other, they never thought that the most naive shyest person son in the family will finally show out his passionate, and courage to stake his life for his love one. 

“You’ve listen to too much faerietale” Banowi said as he turn his back to them, “From now on, you both no longer our family”  
“Wait! daddy” Chaley begged.  
“Calm down, my love. Everyone don’t have any problem with Janessa, and human tribes are our friend, why can’t you except her?”  
“The Wayanas are our friend…” replied, “But not the white people.” he finished.

>>>>

Sohoka and Charley went to send them at the barrier, she hugged them and watch them leave with nothing but each other. The Elder want to help them but Banowi is the amphibian tribe leader, he can banish them. However, luckily, the Wayanas adored them, and greeted her as Karian’s wife. They celebrate wedding for the couple, and offer them place to stay. 

Jannessa smiled as the tribe leader placed the flowers crown on her head, and Karian’s. No matter what’s waiting for them in the future they are ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally married!!! after this chapter, I’m gonna skip to Feb 1925 to where Janessa finally pregnant!!! I know it's short, but the climax is near!! Thanks for reading! I love you all!!!


	9. You're Not Understanding Me

\- Feb 1925

Nicolas pushed the branches away as he tried to open his tent with Rupert and 2 geographers. Everyone got a huge back pack on their shoulders, each of them carried essentials: Maps, food, modest timepiece. It’s been almost 9 months in Amazon, They can’t explore too deep due to their traveling by boat. They have took notes, and photos along with few specimen collected in their boxes.

They create a little bonfire, and start cooking their dinner. Nicolas talk about his family as they grilling hotdogs. Rupert couldn’t listen to it any longer so he decide to go for a walk. He wandering for a while, and then he found a folded leaf that were folded in the shape of shoes. He quickly run back to the camp with the leaf shoe in his hand.

“Nicolas, look!” he said and show it to his friend.  
“Wow! you made that?” Nicolas asked as the geographers take a good look at it.

>>>>

The bushes fluttered as something hidding in the woods, watching the Occam’s group as they talking in their camp.

“No, I found it” Rupert said.  
“Maybe it’s just another undefined kind of leaf.” geographers replied.  
“I know, what I’m looking at, it’s not natural, someone must have made it. I know it because Janis have more than 100 of shoes!” Rupert explained.  
“SO…” the geographers said slowly, “You believe she’s here?”  
“No, but what’ I’m trying to say is there might be tribes a-”

Rupert didn’t have enough time to finish his words because the tribes of people that dress modesty with feathers, and painting. They pointed their wooden weapons at the team, cause them to stood up back to back with their hands up in the air.

The tribe took the team back to the villege, and burned all the photos, and guns. They set all the specimen freed as the Occam team were tied against a wooden pillar. Nicolas, and Rupert along with the geographers mourned for the work. They traveled so far just to watch their work being destroyed.

>>>>

The noises outside was louded enough to cause Karian, and Janessa to woke up. The house was dark due to the night time, but the orange fire light still can shone in from the outside. Janessa rub her eyes as she sat up on her bed.

“What the hell is going on?” she said sleepily as the noises outside still goes on.

She stand up slowly with Karian’s help, they open the door, and found the Wayanas gathered outside as they captured something. It took awhile for her eyes to adjust, but her eyes have catch a person who she remembered all her life.

“Father!”

>>>>

The tribe quickly turn their head from the Occam’s team to where the voice came from. Rupert, can hear the foot step running to him. And there she was, stood in front of him in a tiny white dress and her belly was round!?

“Janessa?” he said in disbelieve.

A fishman ran to stood by her side as she turned around to face the tribe. The Occam’s team look at her in surprise. Nicolas and Rupert can’t believe their eyes, how did she survive from the ocean? and did she got pregnant!? however the thing that fascinated them the most was the amphibian man that stood next to her.

“Não o machuque, ele é meu pai” she said to the tribes

The tribe apologized the team, and greeted them with kindness before went home as Janessa and Karian took them home. She asked to have a private talk with her dad while Karian take care of the others.

She explained to her father how she survived, how she lived with the tribe, found her lover, and married. She told him she’s expecting another child, and begged him to let her stay in with her family.

“Are you crazy!? Absolutely no!!!” he protest.  
“Why?” she asked in horror.

WHY!? how could she asked him that!? he’s her father for god sake! she dissapeared almost a year, and then showed up with her fish boyfriend that knock her up!

“Because you’re my daughter, and I can’t let you marry that fish man too!” he tell her.  
“But he sarcrifice everything for me!” she shout at her father, “I won’t leave him!”   
“You’ve watched movie too much! It's a freak! I take care of you all your life! and you choose it over me?" He asked in anger.

He gave her everything! everything he did he did for her, but what she gave back was the grief in her eyes. Their second beginning still wait for them in Baltimore. Why can’t she be happy for him? 

“You're not understanding me.” she cried.

What had gotten into her!? She's never been this way! She is desperate, maddened with animalistic terror that grows in her eyes. Her eyes glisten with tears as the feelings inside her burst out like volcano.

“You said I watch to much movies, read too much book. You said I’m too naive, and each time I tried to explain you never let me finish, have you ever let me speak?” she aske simply.

>>>>

She looked at him in the eyes as her both eyes were red rimmed with tears still there. She want him to look at her, want him to understand her for once in her life.

"He accepted me without regard to who I was or where I came from.” she started, “He loves me even he can not express himself as much as he should.”, her face light up as he talk about his good side, “But still he stand by my side no matter what happen.", and her eyes become determind, "So thank him, I will never leave him, or take his child away from him. "

She’ve said all she can, she know she was young, but she want him to stop thinking she’s living in a fantasy. She won’t ask anything more from him except just let her stay with her family. 

"Go pack your clothes, we’ll return to baltimore tomorrow," his words cause her to break.

>>>>

Sohoka, and Charley were hidding behind a tree, they heard all the conversation, and quickly return inside the barrier, and rush home to tell their family.

“Why should we help them? they got themself in trouble.” Banowi asked.

How could he!? Karian is his brother! for god sake!!! why can’t he just let go of his pride, and do what should be done?

“But they are our family, aren’t we suppost to help?” Charley asked.  
“You are still young and naive, son. You don’t understand white people, they are wild like beast.” Banowi told him, “They destroy river, and nature!”  
“But not all of them!” Sohoka protest, “Why you have to be so racist?”

Why does he hated them so much, they have never done any harm to him, why can’t he accept Janessa like everyone?

“As soon as you set eyes on Janessa, you made up your mind about her!” Charley shouted, “She love Karian, and that’s already made her our family!”  
“So if you aren’t gonna help them, fine!” Sohoka shout sarcasticly, “I’ll go ask others instead.”.

Sohoka leave the house with Charley to go ask others gods family to help them for whole night. Sohoka told all gods what happened outside the barrier. All of them know Janessa, and her good deeds. So they don’t hesitated to help. 

Charley notice the dawn is coming, he need to go check on Janessa, and Karian. So he sneaked out from the group, and went out side of the wall. The Wayanas greeted him as always, but he don’t have anymore time. He asked for Karian’s location, and the tribe told him, the way.

>>>>

He feared for his small mate, pregnancy was never easy for her, she’ve became more stressed and tired everyday. She sobs in his arms as her whole body shuddering in pain after her conversation with her father.

She told him what her father said to her, and it made his heart clench. He wished he could make things easier for her, he hates to see her suffer. She should be safe and comfortable with his family as they prepares for their baby instead of being force to return to where hse hate. 

“We’ll runaway, together. He signed to her as she cried, “I promise.” she nod as he held her tight.

They pack their bags ready, and look around to make sure the white people aren’t around. They sneaked out from the window, ready to leave without notcing that Nicolas was watching them. He quickly run to them, They frozed in horror, Karian pulled out his claw.

>>>>

Nicolas quickly held up his hands in defends, he knew what happened, and he want to help them. He know it’s crazy, but to him they were just like a normal teen couple, they desurved to love and be loves. 

“You’re running away together, right?” he asked

They nods, but I know they can’t do it alone. he open his bag, and handed them his note book. They look at him in confuse.

“It is my whole life” he told them as they took the but, “I think it’s better if something will remain as secret”

Karian place his finger on Nicolas forhead as his body illuminate in blue. That’s was when Nicolas realized, he was blessed. He handed them the boat key.   
“My boat is docked at the river, about 2 miles away from there” he said, and point his direction.  
“Thank you” Janessa replied, and took they key.

They smiled at him as they took each other hands before ranaway together. He smile as he watch them leaved. He understands the importance of duty and responsibility in his job. But he’s also a human too, and if he do nothing he won’t be any different from Rupert. He was ambitious willing to get the job done at any cost, everything must be like what he want. But little do he know how lonely he truly was because of his ambition. 

This world still have so much to learn, He was sure no one would believe him if he tell them he saw an Amphibian man. However, he rather have it remain secret. He smiled as he walk back inside the house, he glad he finally did something good in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapeter will be the last Janessa and Karian’s chapter, and after that will be Elisa’s childhood. Thanks for read it until here.


	10. 1923-1925

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I didn’t write super long author note cause I won’t lie that I’m a painfully shy woman. So thank you so much for reading this fic. and if the characters make you confuse, I’ll explain it here.
> 
> Janessa Jeane = Elisa’s Mother.  
> Elisabeth Jeane = Elisa Esposito  
> Rupert Jeane = Janessa’s Father.  
> Mrs. Jeane = Janessa’s Mother.  
> Nicolas Strickland = Richard’s Father  
> Mrs Strickland = Richard’s Mother  
> Karian - Elisa’s Father  
> Banowi - Karian’s Adoptive Brother   
> Sahoka - Banowi’s Wife  
> Charley - Banowi & Sahoka’s Son  
> Elder amphibian - Banowi’s Father & Karian’s Adoptive Father  
> Horchberg - Amazonian Elder  
> Jason Raynolds - Flaming’s Father

Rupert bashes open Janessa’s door, but no one there. He looks around, and found the bed they shared. It’s was messy as if they shared their sin more than 100 times already.

“Slut woman” he cursed 

Almost give up after he couldn’t find them, and then the front door pulled open. It’s Nicolas, Rupert read his eyes, and saw betrayal. He knew it, he shouldn’t have trust this dreamy scientist at all. He came from the great place, but that didn’t make him greater than him at all. Rupert walk to him as fast as he could, and point the gun at him.

“One last time” he said in monotone, “Where are they?” 

Nicolas closed his eyes, refused to tell him. He was about to shoot Nicolas right in to his tiny head if someone didn’t bashed it. It’s another amphibian creature, the same kind to Janessa’s lover, but smaller.

>>>>

Janessa, and Karian tried to ran to the boat as fast as they can. However her pregnancy made she stuggled, she whimpered in pain as he run his hand over her shoulders. He tried to help her stand up, so they could continue their path, but a loud gun’s sound blasted out from behind them.

Bullet striking him right in his shoulders, blood spraying from his chest. They turn around to find her father stood behind them with 2 geographer, holding the gun toward Nicolas’s head, and Charley!?

“One last chance!” the mad voice were from her father, “You will come with me or die with him.” as he point his gun to his own daughter.

Karian rush to defend her, but she leaning her weight onto him before she falled to the ground. Her pains grow worse and worse till she can barely breathe. She slams her fists against the ground as tears streaming down her eyes and scream. Her stressed cause early deliever, their baby is coming!

Nicolas picks up a broken piece of wood from the floor, and hited his team, cause them to fall. He help Charley stood up, and rush to help Janessa, and Karian.

She was pressing her back into his chest, leaning into him. He feels her entire body tense as she digging her nails into his arms hard enough to draw blood. But he doesn’t care, he worried about her. She twitch and tenses again, her scream was so loud as if she was dying as her body stretch enough to make him scared she’ll die...and that was when their baby finally born. 

Charley cradles the newborn as Karian trying to calm his wife down to make sure she will be fine. Charley look at the tiny pale baby in his arms she look exactly like other white human except it gills on both side of it’s neck, it’s cocoa eyes bore deep into his soul, and tha was when he saw the vision, his future.

\----

I saw water...waving in green surrounded me with the glass barrier above me. I see faces; the faces of those Humans looking at me., and then something moved beyond the glass. I can’t see it clearly, but It’s look like a pale hand trying to reach me as I reach out in replied…

I see a girl, a young girl in green dress with long dark hair, and bright smile...The water waves higher and higher as my colors glowing brightly under the water, and that is when I see her again, she is roughly 30s but ageless with child-like eyes, short hair and a beautiful smile.

Water turns dark as her body floating with my hands holding hers. She is wearing redcoat as her head crowned by a halo of hair. We look at each other for a few moments, before she wrap her arms around me. It’s the future...our future together.

\----

Janessa looked at her baby as Charley was cuddling it in his arms, she smiled at the sight of it. Karian look at her with smile Charley handed him the baby.

“it’s a girl” Nicolas told her.  
“Elisabeth…” she called her daughter before her eyes fell closed.

Her hands drop on the floor as the baby cried, she can sense her mother was dying. Karian chirp in worried, as Nicolas tried to do the CPR to save her, but it’s too late. Nicolas tried to figure another way out, but a bullet flew through his brain before he could

Karian slowly get up from the ground with Elisabeth in his arm. He looked at his lifeless mate next to Nicolas. He looked up to face another human in front of him, her own father. He did this...to him, and his mate. All of this won’t happen if he just let them go!

Rupert tried to take out something with his hands, but Karian claws striked him before he even could look up to see what was in front of him. 

2 geographer were shock by what happened, so they shooted Karian with all bullet they have, cause him to falls to the ground. Charley rushed to help him, and didn’t notice that the geographer have took the baby away! The Wayanas, and other creature finally arrived, Karian begged Charley to go after his daughter. 

Charley ran after 2 geographer as the Wayanas, and Sahoka’s group helping Karian. He tried to run as fast as he could, but he’s still a boy, and they both were adults. So it’s not weird why they were faster than him.

They got in a small boat, and started the engine to escape. Charley jumped into the river, tried to chased them but it’s too lated. Charley chirped loudly in pain as Sohoka held him back from behind. He cried as he struggle to chase after her just to watch them stole her away from him.

>>>>

Sahoka took Charley back to the Wayanas village where Karian were waiting along with the others. He’s dying without his mate, and the fact that his daughter being took away from him. The others stay outside of his hut as Sohoka, and Charley walked to his dying bed.

“I can’t save her,” Charley signed sadly, “I’m sorry...I’m sorry” he cried.  
“No child.” Karian signed back, “You both are bonded...you...will see her again.”

Karian pulled a notebook out from the drawer next to his bed, and handed it to Charley.

“And when you finally meet her. Please give this to her” he begged.

Charley nod in tears as he took the book, he opened it, it was written in English, his last letter to his daughter. The good thing about being magical creature was the face that you undertand all language, and writting, but that won’t save you from death.

>>>>

Sahoka, and Cherley took both Janessa, and Karian’s body home. The funeral held in the god land behind the barrier, Karian’s family decided to buried them under Janessa’s tree house. All gods arrived here, Horchberg, the feather gods, scale gods, the shell gods, the fang gods, the claw gods, the pinncher gods, and the tree gods. All of them shone in a sad blue color. 

Sahoka rufuse to talked with Banowi again after Janessa’s death. It’s his fault, if he didn’t banished them, her best friend won’t die. If he just let go of his pride and help them like what family should Janessa would still be alive with Karian, she thought as she pick Charley up in her arms, prepare to leave, Banowi turned his head with a small frowning at her.

“Where are you going?” he asked.  
“I’m leaving you, Banowi.” she said calmly.  
“Why?”he sounded bewildered, like a child.   
“You’ve got my best friend killed, Banowi!” Her spat. “Janessa’s dead because of you, and so Karian! the man you said you loved as your brother! I rather raise my son alone more than let my son being raise by murderer!!”

He didn’t come after her. Sahoka sighed as she leaved gods land behind, she took Charley with her. The Wayanas adored them as always. They lived in Janessa and Karian’s hut to keep their memories remain.

“What should I do after this? mom…” Charley chirp sadly as he look at Karian’s book.  
She walked to knelt in front of him to his eyes leve, “Listen, son.” she told him, “From now on we have only each other...There is no me there is only we” she held his hands tight, “Understand?”  
“We understand, mom.” he replied.

>>>>

2 Geographer that survived lost without their boss. They wandered for hours in the middle of the Amazon river untill a cruise from the the nearest town, Manaus found them. It’s the capital city of the state of Amazonas in the North part of Brazil. They asked the government there to contact back to Occam, and report the death of Nicolas Strickland, and Rupert Jeane.

However, due to the rush, and complicated process. It took almost a month for the government to finally send them a helicopter to brought them to Florida, and took the boat from there to Patapsco River in March 25th 1925 where the crew, and police are waiting for them. 

The Geographers left the Elisabeth Jeane with the police before they were sent to hospital for health checkup. She was left forgotten at the police department until late at night when a graveyard shift police notice she’s crying silently in the basket as the rain outside cried loud for her. So he took her in his arms, and look at his watch, it’s midnight. He got her in a car with him, and rode it to the main street.

>>>>

Back to the Amazon rain forest, The Wayanas along with Sohoka stood at a large stone wall. It engraved with names and years. For this who are still alive, the name will be engrave with the year they were born or became a part of the tribe. But for those who died, it will be engrave with the year they died too.

Sohoka walk closer to the wall with a sharp stone pick held tight in her hand. She look at the name in front of her, Karian, and Janessa 1923. She sighed before she place the pick on stone to engrave, "Karian, and Janessa 1923-1925".

She rub the dusk off before she engraved her name with the year 1925. She handed Charlie the stone pick, he look at it for a long moment, but he refuse to take it. He turned away from his mom, cause her to look at him in surprise.He run toward a very very tall tree, and climb up until she can’t see him anymore.

He rach the top of the tree where the sky meet the land, the sky painted with glittering stars. He look at the forest below him, it cover the entire land like a huge green wool blanket. There’s no way he would see the white-human town from here, but he know it’s out there, somewhere beyound the horizon.

She’s out there, he can feel it...she’s still alive in the white-human town. He don’t know what destiny is waiting for them in the future that yet to come, but he have to find her, he have to see her again someday no matter what. No because of his promise to Karian, or the vision he saw when he looked into her eyes, it’s because he know...with all his heart...they are bonded…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote ‘There is no me there is only we we we we we’ is Charley’s thought from the original book page 249.
> 
> And that...was the end of Janessa and Karian’s timeline. After this will be Elisa childhood. The book said Elisa was on her late 30s, around 37-39. So her birthday must be around 1925 or faster. I know it’s pretty rush, but I wanna focus on Elisa’s childhood, because it’s the real highlight of this book. 
> 
> Don’t Forget to check out my IG! - https://www.instagram.com/lucky_purse/?hl=th
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL!!!


	11. Life Is Not A Highway Strewn With Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “That’s your fairy tale. This is your castle. Now move in. Build a home. Build a house. Build a safety around things you love. It’s yours if you make it so. Welcome home, sweet girl, it will be all be fine.” Charlotte Eriksson

Baltimore City Public Schools - 1933

Doors fling open, the kids spill out into the halls like river. I got out from the class, and quickly ride the bike back to the Our Lady of Sorrows. I rush to the bedroom I shared with my roommate. I throw my backpack on my bed, and put the books away. I pull the blanket out from my roommate’s bed to wake her, and she croak sleepily.

“Get up, Rosa! the movie is at 5PM!!!” I signed quickly as I rush to my closet.

She slowly got off from bed, and walked closer as I’m picking my dress. After we finished makeup, and dress. Rosa tossing her red ponytail behind her back as she locking our room. She wore all pink: dress ribbons and shoes as I’m wearing all green. We ride our bicycle to meet the others at The Orpheum Theatre.

We got inside the theatre with betty and Gilbert, it was full with client who paid to watch Rafter Romance. 

>>>>

We finished the movie at 8PM, and shop in few clothes from store. We returned at 8:30, but the kids weren’t in bed yet when, and that’s why our shopping bags catch their eyes.

“Look who came back” Juno voice came from behind us as she stood with her gangs, “Immigrant Rosa, and Stupid Jeane” she mocked.  
“Do you understand it? cause I don’t” Rosa asked me with questioning eyes, “My ears are for human language, not dogs.”  
“F*ck off” Juno replied, cause the sister to peek her head out from her room.  
“Hey! don’t swear in here” Sister Lilah scold.

Juno, and her gang quickly ran back to their room before the sister returned back to her room. Rosa, and I laughed hard as we returned back to our room. We wore our new dress in the next day as we went to class. I can honestly say I’m not an A+ student. 

Math, History, and Science have never ever been my fav. When I tried to asked question, the teachers always ignored, so I guess maybe I should ignore too. I slept in almost every class except english class on friday. Not because I like it, it’s because I’m waiting for this class to end so I can go to the class. And when the bell finally rang...I splinted out from the class even faster than a jet to Mr. Jenkins class. He was my only favourite teacher, he will always let us watch a short musical-movies before teach us to dance. 

His movies always inspired me, they way actors moves, and sing were so beautiful. I wish the class was longer, I think to myself as I walk to locker room with Rosa, Betty, and Gilbert.

“Last class is dancing, after this we’ll go to dixie doug's pies” Rosa said as she open our locker, “Wanna come with us?” Gilbert asked.  
“No, thanks.” I signed, and close my locker, “See ya”.

>>>>

I ride my bike with a backpack behind my back, and stop in front of the dock of Patapsco. I park my bike at the pier that lead to a thin pedestrian jetty. I walk out onto the river to see the view. There was no fence except warning “No Swimming! No Fishing! Open To The Sea At 30FT!”

I stood at the edge of the jetty, and closed my eyes. I don’t know how to swim, and I don’t like fishing, but still I wished I know how to swim. I love the cool feeling of water around my skin as it’s holding me up from gravity. I want to swim to the edge of horizon to see the sun as it’s setting.

I run my fingers through my long dark hair, it’s start to became sticky due to the breeze as I’m tracing the scars on my neck. I would be already forget it’s exist if everyone not kept asking me about it. However even I hated it, I want to know it too. Why it’s there? and what it’s meant to be?

>>>>

I return back to the Orphanage around 6PM, I parked my bike, and was about to walk in if I didn’t notice Rosa, Betty, and Gilbert stood by a car at the front gate. I walked to them, and see Betty stood next to a couple with a suitcase and a small backpack carrying all of his possessions.

“You’re… leaving?” I signed.  
“Yes, I’m adopted” Betty said with a smile.

I look at his new parent, as his father putting the suitcase in the car with his wife stood next to him. They look decent, she’ll be in a good hand. So I walk to her, and start signing with my imagination voice in my heart.

“That’s your fairy tale. This is your castle.” I signed the words I remember from a book, “Now move in. Build a home. Build a house. Build a safety around things you love. It’s yours if you make it so.” I smiled as the tears forming in my eyes, “Welcome home, sweet girl, it will be all be fine.”

She noded and hugged me. I can feel her body shaking as her tears soaked my dress. I rub her back before pulled out.

“Good luck.” Rosa said in tears as she’s holding Betty’s hand.  
“We’ll see each other again, I promised.” Gilbert add.

She noded, and we hugged for one last time before the car took finally her away. I held Gilbert, and Rosa’s hands tight as we watch the car dissapeared. We’ve known Rosa all our life, but now she have to go live her own life, and someday my time would come too. I’m happy for her, she’ll have better life, away from the bullies who called her “Breadless Betty”, and the orphanage’s nightmare, polio disease. We turn around, and get back inside the Orphanage.

>>>>

Gilbert walk to the boy’s room section as Rosa and I walk through the hall way to get back to our room.

“How pity, someone just lost their best friend today” Juno voice came from behind us.

Why does she have to be such a bitch!? I’m fine with her bully, but not on Betty’s adopted day! So I turn around to signed furiously at her.

“You’re just jealous of her! you bitch!” I signed.  
“I’m sorry, I’m not deaf.” She mock with her eyes row, “The parent that adopted her were dumb, but if some one would adopt you, they’ll need to be a lot dummer to adopt a Worthless Mute!”

I can’t signed or controll myself anymore, it’s just like my instict. I ran to her, and punch her in the face. We fought to the ground until some one called the nun.

>>>>

“She was a real queen b, isn’t she” Sister Lilah asked as I’m sitting in front of her with her table separating us.

She placed a water glass in front of me, and walked to sat on her chair. She was the principal of this orphanage before another nun took her place, however she’s still being respected by many people.

“I know it’s hard, Elisabeth.” she called me by the name that I don’t like, “But no one is perfect.” she told me, “You still have a lot future waiting for you, don’t let your pride hold you from it.”.  
“But I’m tired of being called worthless stupid ugly deaf when I’m not.” I signed  
“I know” she sighed.

We’re silent for awhile until she jerks up with her mouth shaped in ‘O’ as if she just remember something. She opened her drawer, and handed me a very thick book. She slide to me, it’s “Standard ASL”

“I know you’re doing random signed, and your friend and I understand you, but…” she sighed, “I think you should learn a Standard ASL too, you’ll need it in the future.” she smiled.

I smiled and noded. She’s always know me, I’m running out of my signing ideas too. I stand up, and bow my head as ‘thank you’. She nod with a smiled before I leaved her office.

Rosa were already asleep when I returned, the room was messy as always. I’ve spended whole night reading the book. It’s a little bit harder to do learn it than my random signed, but if I want to have friend, I must learn how to talk. I’ll start with basic words first and then I can go for a full sentence later.

>>>>

The bell rang as the students ran to the cafeteria. Rosa, and I sneaked into the music room, and sat down on the floor where Gilbert already start eating his lunch. We like to eat it here to avoid the kids glossip, and we Betty has just move to another school yesterday. So we’re not ready for teasing or mocking yet.

“What’s that book?” Gilbert asked, and pointed at the book next to me.  
I stop eating my egg to signed, “Standard ASL”.   
“How to do the word piano?” Gilbert asked.

I open the book to look through page, and signed ‘Piano’, it’s easier than I thought. He tried to copy, and smiled brightly when he finally got it correct. 

“You’re to crazy with Piano, Gilbert” Rosa chuckle, “My raw voice sound a lot better”  
“Well” Gilbert said and stand up. He walk toward and grand piano, and sat on the chair, “You sing I’ll play” he said brightly as he place his hands on the key.

Rosa, and I quickly stand up, totally forgot our lunch. We walk closer to the piano as Gilbert start the intro. It was fun, and cheerfull, it’s April Showers by B.G. Desylva. Rosa sang in the bright tone as the lyrics lift me up from the ground.

“Life is not a highway strewn with flowers  
Still it holds a goodly share of bliss  
When the sun gives way to April showers  
Here's the point that you should never miss”

I move my head through the rhythm, and start dancing. I wish I could sing too, so I can join Rosa. Betty love to dance like I do, I’m sure she would become a great performer on the stage like broadway somehow. Now it’s only me, Gilbert, and Rosa, but we’re still a perfect band. 

“Though April Showers may come your way  
They bring the flowers that bloom in May  
So if it's raining, have no regrets  
Because it isn't raining rain you know  
It's raining violets  
And where you see clouds upon the hills  
You soon will see crowds of daffodils  
So keep on looking for a bluebird  
And listening for his song  
Whenever April showers come along”

Rosa’s angelic voice fit perfectly with Gilbert shiny tunes, and all I need was a dance partner. I might find one in the future, he would take my hands, and we’ll dnce under the stars like the scenes from the movies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! Elisa’s childhood. You might think like, are you sure you’re writing Elisa? yes, I’m writing her. I believe people changes through times, that’s why I wanna tell the story of how Elisa go from a girl like this to who she was in the movie.
> 
> In an interview with IndieWire Guillermo said, "This movie is a healing movie for me. ... For nine movies I rephrased the fears of my childhood, the dreams of my childhood, and this is the first time I speak as an adult, about something that worries me as an adult. I speak about trust, otherness, sex, love, where we're going.”.
> 
> So this fanfic is also like a healing writing for me too. I put my fears, dreams, childhood, and worries into words:)


	12. I’m Fine With What I Am Now

\- Our Lady of Sorrows 1941

The wall was full with painting, mine, and Rosa’s. Now we’re both 16, be dyed our hair to celebrate our highschool hear yesterday. So now my hair was navy blue, and Rosa was purple. We dress up in flashy color, and leave our bedroom. Guilbert were waiting for us outside, he permed is hair, and dyed it platinum blonde.

We run down stair, stole a kids breakfast, and leave the building. We ride our bike to school. We pick up the books from the locker, and went to our class room where the nerds would sat on the table with their eyes glued to the board.

The class would go smoothly if the Ms. Phoebe, my science teacher didn’t suddenly called my name in front of the class. 

“Elisabeth Jeane” she said my name out loud, “Meet me in the office after this class end.”

>>>>

I have to listen to the girls gossiping me as I walk through hallway to Ms. Phoebe’s office. ‘That mute whore gonna get some slap soon’ They laugh it out loud as if they think I’m deaf.

I enter Phoebe’s office alone as Rosa, and Gilbert wait outside. Ms. Phoebe sighed as hse saw Rosa, and Gilber through her glass wall. Well, there’s no way to separate us.

“Elisabeth” she start, “I’ve check your paper, and the score was exactly the same” she said, and handed me the paper.

The score was obvios, 0. I remain silent, what was the point of talking about it? I’ve these score since I was in grade 4.

“You’re in highschool now, Elisabeth, all your grade effected your College and Career.” she said seriously, “Don’t you think it’s time to chage before it’s too late?”

What was the point of trying? Everytime I tried to asked teachers will always ignored me, and I won’t need science score in my life anyway. I won’t go to college, I’ll stay with my band, and we’ll become rich. So fuck the grade, I won’t need it.

“I’m fine with what I am now” I signed, and leave.

It’s after school, most of the teens went to party, but since no one invite me, Rosa, nor Gilbert. So we ride our bike to the dock of Patapsco. We spread the rag on the jetty, and got our drinks out from the backpack. We sat there, and drink our soda as we watch the sun set. 

“What do you guys think about the future?” I signed.  
“Hmmm” Gilbert hum as he tried to think” I don’t know, “Today we’re sleeping in the Orphanage, tomorrow we might be adopted. I don’t wanna think about it yet.”  
“Well, I have 2 ideas in my head. I want to be a singer, but if I can’t, I have painting skills.” Soda said as she took out another can, “As long as it earn money, I’m fine with it.

I nod, and stared out at the canal that opens to the sea. What if my dream was to swim beyond the sea behind the canal gate?

“I want to find my true love.” I signed as I think of movies I’ve watched, “I want him to take me dancing like Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, or like you both.” I couldn’t hold back my smiled.

Rosa, and Gilbert were couple for almost one year already. However they don’t look like boyfriend, and girl friend at all. They were more like a life time partner.

“You’re real romantic, Jeane” Rosa laugh, “Might be even more romantic than you” she turn to Gilbert, “But well, if you gonna choose your man, be careful. OK?” she warn me with laugh.

>>>>

We return back to the Orphanage a 10PM, they others have already return from the party too. They’re drunk, and high. I swear I can hear someone having sex in the room next to Rosa, and Mine as we walking back to our bedroom.

“I don’t understand why they have to do so loud.” Rosa said as she got rid of her make up.  
“Well, the sister went for vacation, so girls just wanna have fun” I signed as I got in pajamas.

I comb my hair, and jump in my bed. Rosa slowly walk to bed with facial mask on her face. She stuggle to got on her bed without making it falls or dip. 

“Don’t laugh.” She said almost gibberish through the mask.  
“I didn’t” I signed with chuckle.

We look around the room. It was messy with stuff we bought, We didn’t paid it with our money, but I wonder if we get adopt, how we gonna move this much stuff?

“Only 2 years left before we both turn 18” Rosa starts, “Do you have any plan in case if we get kick out?” she asked.  
“What?” I signed.  
“You know the rules Jeane, everyone got kick out when they turned 18” she replied.

There we go, that was one of the Orphanage’s nightmare too. Most people here don’t want to leave because they are use to being take cared, and money just sit in front of them, that’s why they weren’t ready for the real word.

“We’ll rent an apartment and take our band to an audition.” I signed simply.  
“It’s not that easy, you know?” she asked.  
“I know” I signed before I turn of the the lamp.

>>>>

I’m planing to wake up late if I didn’t heard a screamed. I jump off from bed, but Rosa weren’t in the room with me. I open the door, and everyone were out from their room. What happened? 

I run down stair, and found Rosa cried in front of Gilbert’s bedroom with her hands on her mouth. I turn to look at the room and found something more surprised. Gilbert were laying naked on his messy bed with...JUNO!? Gilbert quickly stood up, and put his pants on.

“Rosa...I” he tried to said something, but Rosa shook her head in tears.

She grabed my hand, and we run down stairs to the first floor. I don’t know we’re she going but I know I can’t leave her alone. So I let her took me with her. We leaved the Orphanage’s gate in Pajamas, and run across the street. Gilbert tried to run after us, I still can hear his voice behind me before it was silent by another sound.

Rosa, and I quickly turned around, and found a Car that was covered in blood as the front part with Gilbert lying on the floor. I stood in shock as Rosa falls to her knees, and screamed.

Many police came on that day, neither Rosa and I went to school. The Burial officer took Gilberts body as Rosa were send to asylum. They don’t let me say goodbye, they told me to clear her stuff, and don’t talk about it.

I laid in my bath tub with the door opened. My bed was messy as another one was emptied. I put some of her old stuff in a box, and donate them, but I kept her favourite stuff, like records, and headbands. I slid down beneath the water, and looked up. It felt so good, like I could breathe here. I think living in here was a lot better than in my real life.

The clock dings, remind me to wake up. I got off from the tub and look at myself in the mirror. It’s been 5 days already that I couldn’t sleep, so my face was gray and drawn with dark circles around my eyes, and somehow the lines have formed on each side of my mouth. 

I have to wear thicker makeup when I went to school, not to hide my weakness, but to hide by sadness. I place a white flower on both Gilbert, and Rosa’s desks every moring. It felt like all my dream have been shattered. The future we planed to do...it’s all gone now.

I sneaked into the music room at lunch, and sat on the piano. Gilbert, he loved piano more than anything, even he cheated on Rosa, but at least we’re friends since we’re all little. I tried to think of how he played the piano, and tried to copy, but I failed. I can’t sing, and I don’t have any idea how to play piano, or write a song.

I closed the piano, and cried. It’s done all done, all my life I lived in the bubble, I never have to do something on my own, but now I have only myself. Even it’s hard, I must live on.

>>>>

It’s been 16 years since the last we, and our mom visit the god land behind the barrier /// The Wayanas let our mom, and we stay but we have to help them with their farm, healing them and fishing in pay. 

What happended 16 years has brought a very hard times for us, and our mom /// She was working very hard, harvesting, and fishing /// She carried a huge load of corn on her back. Clearly tired, she tried to walk before stumbles to the ground. 

We chirped, and ran to her /// It happened more than 10 times already /// Evertime we tried to help she always chirped ‘We’re fine’ back to us. We picks up some corn she dropped, and helped her stand up.

“Don’t worry Mother. Go heal the people, we’ll take take care of this.

We went helping the Wayanas fishing, and return back to the nest at noon /// Mother was healing the wounded people who stood in lines /// We’re glad that our healing power has no limit. It’s a lot easier than harvesting and fishing.

We catch a glimps of father watching us, he following us once a day /// We’re so furious at him /// We can’t remember why it has come to this because we were so young when it happened /// People here might workshiped mother like a goddess, but little did he know how hard she have to work to live.

But I can’t dwell on that, even I can’t have a normal family. I can’t keep letting mother do things for me anymore, she’s female, and I’m 22 now. I must learn to be a leader, protecting the nest, and family.

We went for harvesting and fishing with the Wayanas in the next morning /// We let mother stayed at the village, help the wounded, and bless people /// We’ve never catch a fish on our own before in our life. It slipped off our hands so easy as if we didn’t swam so hard to catch it.

We grew plants, hunting, and offer them fish. We learn how to fold the leafs into a basket, and make nets from the fibers /// It took like months to get used to working hard, but We’re proud we did it. We’re proud that we learn how to live and be strong on our own feet.

On the day We turned 23, we leaved the nest, prepare to go to work, but instead as soon as we opened the door we saw a road build by a white sand with people dancing and cheer at the both sides /// The Wayanas leader place a flower crown in red mix with orange on our head, and lead us to the sand road with our mother.

They walked us to the end of the sand road where the thrown that decorated with beautiful leafs, and bright flowers waiting for us /// We sat on that thrown with our mother stood by our side, and that was when we finally became their gods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama is here again! LOL but teachers problems are so common in school. You don’t have to be mute to be ignored by teacher, because they already ignored you when you talk.
> 
> I know the Charley’s part sound weird but in the book, the creature thinks as a whole, like there were more than one person inside of him. Is a little bit strange but that is his way of thinking, I’ve already put more reasons in the old chapter:)
> 
> I want both Elisa, and Charley to face hard time in their teens life so they can be more bond, and I want Charley to earn the respect as a god, not just being blindly respected.


	13. See You Soon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Orphans will be kick out from the orphanage at the age 18, but since Elisa was a mute, maybe they should let stay more at least till 20s. I want to put reason why Elisa love eggs so much that could make she cook it everyday. I believe there must be more reason why she like it more than just because she was a hybrid.

\- Baltimore City Public Schools 1943

I placed my lunch on the table in the canteen, and sat down. I’m wearing the Academic dress and next to me was a graduate certificate. I made it. The score was horrible, but here I am, graduading. I wish Rosa, and Gilbert were here. I’ve been eating lunch alone since then untill now. I was about to eat my dinner if no one interrupted.

“May I sit here?” I looked up at the girl who asked.

She was pretty tiny, I guessed she was in grade 6 or 7? she got a curly blonde hair with porcelain face. She looked pretty good for a student who study here, so I noded.

“Thanks.” she said and moved to sit down, “I’m Elaine”  
“I’m J-E-A-N-E” I signed.  
“Ok, Jeane” she replied, she understand me? “My mother was an ALS teacher, I learn it from her book” She said as she start eating.

>>>>

After lunch I offered to walk her back to class before I leave this school, and won’t comin back. I reached out slightly to stop her before she returned back to class.

“I want to give you some quote before I go.” I signed, and she nod, “Your time is limited, don't waste it. Don't let the noise of others drown you, have the courage to follow your heart and live. ok?” 

She nod, and hugged me. She pulled out, and signed ‘Thank you’ along with speaking. She waving goodbye before returned back to her class. She reminded me of my old-self, I hoped she end up better than I do.

I returned back to dorm and find a letter laid there on the floor. I picked it up and close the door. I open the letter, and expected Juno’s prank, but what I got was.

‘Ms. Elisabeth Jeane.

We wrote this inform you to prepare move out after you graduaded, and reach 18th years old. We’ll provide you rent Money, and clothes for you as you leave.

YOU MUST VACATE THE ROOM BY THURSDAY, 25 MARCH 1943.

\- Our Lady of Sorrows’

I quickly ripped it in pieces, and threw myself on bed. Today was Tuesday, and Thursday was near, how am I gonna prepare to leave in 2 days? I turns to look at the most slutty dress I have. I promised I’ll never wear it if I din’t have enough, but now I think I do.

>>>>

Light flashes in blue, and purple with the crowds flood the room. It was so loud, both people, and music. I ordered drinks and end up hungover in just a half of glass. So I got out from the club, and tried find a place to vomit. I struggled to walk, I have to pushed myself against the wall to stand.

“Hey! are you okay?” A man voice came from behind me.

He helped me stand up, but I guessed alcohol hated me. So I just fainted right there. When I opened my eyes again I found myself laying on my bed in my pajamas. I look around, trying to adjust my eyes just to found Sister Lilah sat at the edge of my bed.

“You’re lucky that he’s a good man” she said simply, “Or you would end up raped.” she sighed, “It’s obvious that you aren’t ready for the outside world”

Of course I’m not, I have no skills except ASL! what kind of job I could do? I would end up being a whore in a week.

“I must even I’m not” I signed clearly.  
“You don’t have to, I’ll ask the patron to extend your staying.” my eyes turns wide at her word, “You might have to share room with me, but at least you’ll still have more time to prepare. Alright?”

My life here was torment, full with endless teasing, loneliness and friendless. No one to care for me or even notice if I lived or died. But Sister Lilah saw something in me, and helped me. I don’t know what to signed, so I just moved forward and hugging her tightly.

>>>>

The man who brought me back last night leave a letter with Sister Lilah. The letter said he work in the music shop close to the market. I tried to pick the most appropriate clothe, but the most appropriate one I have was the tiny red dress. So I walked across the street, and entered the ‘Freedom Music Shop”, it was a small tiny shop with piles of instrument.

“Hi!” a voice called from the cashier.

I turned around, and he was there...He was wearing a very tight suit with his hair combed neatly, but still curly. He got out from the cashier, and walk closer.

“It’s good to know you’re ok” he said brightly, “I’m Kevin, what’s your name?”   
“My name is J-E-A-N-E” I signed word by word.

He look at me in confused, so I pulled out a paper, and write my name again with the most important word, ‘I’m muted’. He looked at me in surprised after he read it.

“You’re muted, but you can hear me right?” he asked and I noded, “Good, let’s go have lunch”

That easy? my name, his name, and then date? But at least he asked me out on a date, me...a muted woman. We might not have a beautiful start, but who knows we might end up marry in the future.

He took me to a small restaurant, and have a little chit-chat. It’ mostly him who end up talking but at least I’ve learned a lot about him. He loved music, and moved here from UK to opened a music shop.

“My sister will graduade next year, she’ll move in next year too. Actually I want to live in the city like New York, or LA, but well” he sighed, “My budget aren’t that high.” he chuckle.

I look at the Helen Delich Bentley Port of Baltimore as we walking back to his shop. New York, and LA...LA...it’s a dream place for all the stars, and people with talent. If I could make it there, maybe I’ll be the first mute who reach Hollywood.

“You like swimming?” he asked.  
“I don’t know how to swim, but I love river” I signed.  
“Okay, meet me at Patapsco tonight.” he said before ran back to his shop, “See you there”.

>>>>

I walked in the swimsuit shop for hours. I wish I could wear those bikini like those hollywood stars but I’m not ready to showing my stretchmark yet. I didn’t care much about it until I was 16. I wished I have hourglass figures, maybe I’ll have to buy a corset too.

I end up waiting for him at the river with my long sleeves swimsuit with mini skirt. It didn’t took long for him to finally arrive with his scooter. He was shirtless, wearly only a pant. Oh fuck! those 6 packs, I’m dead! he was a human Clark Kent!!!

He ran into the river first as I’m slowly slid down in the water. His hands on my waist kept me on the surface. I clung tightly to him as my body shivered. How am I going to swim when I don’t know where to start? I looked down, studied his movements. I tried to copy his movements and it’s funny how I can finally feel myself floating. 

"I will let you go.” his words made my eyes wided, “Swim to me, okay?”

He finally let go, but somehow I didn’t sink. I moved my arms along with my legs. I’m swimming! finally swimming!!! it’s like a dream came true! Thanks to him, the man who don’t gave a fuck that I’m a mute and teach me how to swim. I swam to him, and wrap my arms around his neck as his hands placed on my waist. I can feel my cheeks burned, it must be love! He pressed his forehead against mine, but his mouth stayed away from mine.

I’m not a patient woman, if he’s not gonna kiss me, fine! I kick my legs harder to float higher, and pressed my lips to his. I expected him to pull away but he responded that kiss. GOD!!! That was a lot better than those Hollywood movies! I finally find it! my true love!!! The man who except me!

I sat at the back of his scooter as he rode me home. I don’t wanna let him go at all, I gave him a kiss before I walk back inside the Orphanage. 

>>>>

I got some cook book from Orphanage’s liblary, and tried to learn how to cook. It’s hard, very very hard. I don’t know a click about cooking honestly, but I couldn’t be more proud of my first cook...BOILED EGGS!!!

The clock dings, I jumped out of bed, it’s my birthday! and rushed to the kitchen. I cooked mine, and his breakfast. I put on my dress, got myself ready, and rode my bike to his music shop again.

He was busy with his client, it’s little disapointing, I wished he spend more time with me. I guess I have to wait. So I place the breakfast on a piano, and walk to a record player, mayber there’re some great music.

“Jeane!” his voice called me, I quick turn around, he’s done? “Don’t place stuffs on the piano, please” he said as the clients looked at me.

I huffed, and walk to my basket. I took it out from the piano, and go find a seat so I can place it on my laps. How could he!? I cooked it for him! I’ve never ever cook before in my life! but I did it for him. I lost in my own thought untill I notice someone moved to sat in front of me. I looked up, it’s him. He looked at the basket on my laps, and took a sandwich.

“Hmmmmm...nice!” he said with his mouth full, and tried the eggs.  
“I cook it myself” I signed, “It’s my birthday”  
“This sunday I’m free, wanna go watch movie with me?” he asked.  
“Yes! I love romance movies” I signed quickly.  
“You’re gonna love Daredevils of the West” he said as he finished, “My sister watched it in UK”

Did he hearing my signed at all? or did he just ignored it? Maybe he just suggest his idea, but what kind of man offer action movie to a woman who said she love romance movie? Maybe he understand me, he just wanna show his movie type.

“Thanks for breakfast” he said, and wipe his mouth, “Gotta go work now”

After after that he went back to his work as I quickly finished my breakfast. So I picked up my stuff, and prepared to leave. I have to put my lunch box home first, and then walk back later.

“Jeane!” he called before I leave, “See you soon!” I nod, why not?

I leaved the shop with a smiled to my ears. He was such a gentle man, my prince! I walk home with my eyes that sees things a lot clearer than before. The world was so bright, full with loves, and happiness.

Everyday I felt normal when I walked on the street, but now it’s changed, I can felt it. It’s him, I can’t wait for tomorrow!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you reading Elisa’s conversation with Kevin, you’ll know that he have idea what she’s talking to him, and he don’t even try to understand at all. If you read the Orginal book you know that she have a dated, and sex before. But her boyfriend treated her like animal, and don’t tried to understand her at all.


	14. Elisabeth Jeane Esposito

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re all knew what we’ll have to deal with when we meet our lover’s family, they will interrogate you with personal question to make us feel awkward until we can’t stay anymore.

31 December 1945

Kevin’s family flew all the way from UK to Baltimore for his new year party. I’m so excited, I’ve gotta make them impress so they would let me date him! Today I’ll be a motherfucking princess, I’ll wore a long sleeves floral top high collar and a navy blue knee long skirt. I’ve bought present for all of them to make sure I didn’t arrive there with empty hand.

Door opened after few knocks, he was wearing a blue top with dark pant. I got inside, and I place the gifts under the christmas tree. All his family stood up when they see me.

“Guys” he called them, “This is Jeane my girlfriend” he introduce me.  
“Nice to meet you all” I signed, but I know they barely bothered to learn what it meant. 

But since I’m dating Kevin, I must learn how to respect his family too. I have dinner with his family, they talk about London, and when Katy, Kevin’s sister will move here.

“So Jeane, what kind of job you do?” his mother asked.  
“She’s unemployed, mom” Kevin replied for me.  
“Where do you live? what kind of bussiness your family have?” his father asked.

There you go, awkward family talk. Why does it have to be complicated!? But my past is my roots, I won’t lie it.

“She live in the Our Lady of Sorrows Orphanage.” Kevin replied simply, and I’m not ashame of it.  
“Oh, the Home for Wee Wanderers” his mother commented.

I can felt the wave of anger in my body, how dare she!? she have no idea what’s like to live there. I’m orphan so what? does it made me a freak? So I finally slam the table and stand up.

“Stop acting like you know everything” I signed sharp and short. “You have no idea what we’re all have to go through” this time I spoked for Rosa and Gilbert too. 

“Calm down, Jean.?” Kevin said and stand up, “Come with me”

We got off from the table, and have a private talk. He told me to go say sorry to his parent, and kept my hands to myself. So I just sat there in the table, and eat, listen to him talking with his family as if I’m not even there.

So I walked home with my head down as I enter the room I shared with Sister Lilah. She was sleeping on her bed, so I took shower quietly, and got myself in pajamas. I look at her one last time I went to bed.

She look tired, I know she’s already 60, but she looked too exhausted for her age. Maybe she was sick, it’s winter, So I put another blanket on top of her as she was still asleep.

>>>>

I don’t know what to do on christmas since I’m still angry with Kevin. So I just spended my whole morning in the bath tub. I was about to fall asleep if no one knocked the door.

“Jeane!” Sister Lilah’s voice called from outside, “You’re staying in there too long.”

I quickly got off from the tub, and wrap myself in towel. I open the door, and found she stood in front of me with her casual uniform. It’s holiday, nun can dress like what ever they want if they gonna stay home. Why did she dress up?

“Go dress up, we’ll go have some ice cream” she said before she leaved.

We went for ice-cream together, I’m pretty surprised she took me out. Mostly she’ll just stay in the Orphanage. I look at those cute couples at the different tables in the shop, I wish I’m lucky like them.

“Don’t get your hope to high child, you’re still young” Sister Lilah said, “I’ve gone through marriage before,” She said as we wait for our ice-cream.

What? She was married? but she’s a catholic sister, aren’t they weren’t allow to involved with men?

“Listen to me, Child...marriage is no different than a cage if the couple no longer love each other.” She said simply, “It’s good to have hope, but don’t forget to prepare before you fall. So you won’t be hurt to much.”

No! I saw those movies, and read books. They lived happily ever after, if they don’t love each other they won’t married.

“But Kevin, and I love each other.” I signed, “He love me even I’m like this” I ended it fast.  
“Future is unpredictable, child. and believe me you wouldn’t wanna go through divorce.” she said as our ice-cream finally place in front of us, “It’s nightmare”.

I don’t think I would have to go through that, cause I’ll follow wherever Kevin go, and we’ll live happily ever after.

“Plus, you should try to get into some college, or at least have a job.” she advice, “You used money a lot, you must learn to earn, and keep them.”

Well what kind of college would want a mute girl? and what job can I do? I love to dance, but I don’t even know where I can have dancer career. I use money a lot, but mostly I bought only what I need like clothes, shoes, and records...it’s not waste of money at all, it’s a good stuff actually.

We finished our ice-cream and ready to walk home. I about about to called the taxi but I notice there’s something wrong with Sister Lilah. ‘Are you alright?’, I signed, but there’s no replied. Her breath sounded awful as if she’s suffocating, and that was when she finally falls to the ground.

“HELP!!!” for the first time in my life I tried to scream, what should I do!? what’s wrong with her!?

What leaved my throat was only an agonizing hiss of air, but luckily, people around there notice us, and brought her to hospital. People there can’t understand my ASL, but I can write them the adress, and the Orphanage phone number. I followed her there, but I was told to waited outside the ICU.

I waited for hours until the Matron finally arrived. We stayed out side for whole night just to learn that Sister Lilah have suffered from heart desease for 20 years already. Why the hell she never tell me? if she tell me faster I might be able to find some way to help!, but now it’s too late...she’s in peace.

>>>>

I return back to the Orphanage with the Matron called me to her office, and told me how she would arrage the funeral, and clear Sister Lilah’s stuff.

“You have accept that we cannot let you stay here anymore. Your age exceeds the threshold and you've never done any good to us except wasted our money. I'll supplied you with a month's worth of rent money, and a suitcase before you leave. You'll have to clear your stuff by tomorrow morning.”

Her voice was colder than a hard tree that turns into ice, bur I do nothing except noded. I returned back to the room I shared with sidter Lilah, and pack my stuff into the suitcase. I can put only few clothes, and small shoes like sling back sandals, plastic penny loafers, and ugly nubucks that I hate.

I wore my favourite green wool dress with a pocket skirt. I have the last interview with her before I’d be booted out. I remember she was smoking as she hand me the money boefore I leave her office.

“You’ll be a whore by next Christmas” the Matron’s word made me shivered.

I sighed I leaved the Orphanage, I look back at it one last time. This place held so much memories. I was called by many names here “Mum, Luckless Jeane, Elisbeth”, and Now I’m Elisabeth Jeane Esposito.

World War II was only lately finished, most men on the streets still have clean-cut hairstyle. So here I am, trying to find a place, and a way to live. But at least from now on I can do what ever I want, watch movie, make out with Kevin, and enjoy night clubs.

I bought a new scarf to cover my scar before I got in a taxi, and visit Kevin’s house. I waited at the door after I knocked. I’m moving in with him, he’ll be happy for sure.

>>>>

I sat on the sofa and I told him about Sister Lilah’s death, and how I got kicked out from the Orphanage, but I didn’t tell him yet, that I’m moving in. He place a soda glass on the table, and gave me a kiss on the cheeks. He’s so sweet!

He pushed me down gently, and moves on top of me, between my legs. I bited my lower lip as my heart pounded in my chest. He’s always make me felt so hot! He lean down and press his lips against mine. It felt so wonderful, I can never get enough of him, he made my head spin like crazy. He ended the kiss and opened his eyes.

“Since you’ve already leaved the Orphanage, so no more rules...right?” he asked and I nod, “Then I guess we can finally do it”

Do what? I thought before I realized he’s tugging my dress to get rid of it. I quickly stop him, and signed.

“We’ll do it in our wedding night” I sigend.  
“Don't be ridiculous, you’ve already move your stuff here. we’ll do it now” He said as he settling my thighs around him.

I shook my head and got off from sofa. 

“This is only the first day, don't you think it's too fast?” I signed, but he look at me in confuse, So I grab a paper, and wrote, “I think we should marry first before we do it”  
“What? no!” He replied immediately.  
“Why?” I signed.

He take a deep breath as if he got annoyed, and quickly stood up higher than me. He never did that, and I don’t like this attitude at all. This is not good. I have a bad feeling about this

“STOP DOING THAT IT’S FUCKING ANNOYING!” He shouted almost inhuman, “YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOW BY NOW THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!!!” I’m still shocked by his shout, but I already know he have no idea what I signed, “I've been patient for years to fuck you I'm not gonna wait just because of your fucking tradition!”.

I can’t comtroll my anger anymore, I’ve gave him almost everything, and be by his side for years, but all he wanted was just to fuck me!?

“FUCK YOU!” I signed, “You’ve never even try to understand me! You just grabbed and took as if I’m voiceless as an animal!! I rather die than let you have my virginity!!!”

I took the glass, and splash the water at him. I quickly grabbed my suitcase, and leave his house. I won’t coming back again! I’m done with this horrible! man! I rather live in a rabbit hole than living with him! I thought to myself as I walked on the street. I passed a movie theater and notice a poorly placed sign: ROOM FOR RENT - INQUIRE WITHIN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elisa was smart to leaved that dump man, he don’t deserve her. She’ve moved into her apartment on the theater, so the next chapter prepare to say hello to Giles!


	15. Gilbert Pratt Gunderson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about who should play Giles, this chapter timeline was 16 years away from the movie. So I search for Richard Jenkins photo in 2002, and found that he looked exactly the same!!! just with darker hair!!! So I think Richard Jenkins could still pull this role off if he have wig LOL

8 January 1946, Room A, Loft Apartment, Orpheum Theatre, Baltimore.

I tossed and turned in my bed as the sunlight poured in from the windows. I turned over to see the clock, 12:00. I’m still in my casual outfit, not pajamas. I can’t remember when did I slept, I was was in the theater, and I can’t remember what I’ve watched. Who brought me back to bed?

It’s been a week since I got kick out from the Orphanage and moved into this apartment. The apartment was fine, it was sparsely furnitured, with water hole at the room, and noised from the theater bellow. I haven’t go find any job, or say hello to neighbors yet. 

I dressed up, and cook my breakfast. I’m glad I learned how to cook, so I made myself boiled eggs, and a piece of toast. I ate my lunch on the dinning table, and look around. There are few stuff that I have to buy for my new apartment. 

And then...someone knocks on the door. I stood up, and open it. He looks pretty aristocratic with sweater, vest, and shirt. He was bald, around fifty, but with sparkling eyes behind a pair of eye-glass. I guess he live in Room B next door.

“Hi! I’m Gilbert Pratt Gunderson” he started, “But you can call me Giles. You fell asleep in the Theater last night, so I brought you back here.” he breathed before continue, “So, may I come in? or do you wanna see my room?” he asked.

I can come back for cleaning later, so I pointed at his room. He opened his door, and let me in. It was pretty messy, full with so many stuff. Everything looks pretty old, The book shelf, the sofa, the large wooden easle with a small TV next to it. I moved to sit on the sofa, and he walked to his fridge.

He returned back with 2 paled yellow key lime pie in his hands. He moved to sit next to me, and handed me one pie.

“Thank you” I signed, and took the pie.  
“You can’t speak?” He asked, and I nod, “Oh, then I guess I better learn ASL.” he chuckle, “What’s your name?” he asked.

I look around for a small paper with pencil to write it down. ‘My name is Elisabeth Jeane Esposito but just call me “Jeane”.’

“Ok, Jeane” he said wit a nod, “Es-po-si-to...Italy or American?” he asked as we eat the pie, it’s pretty good.  
“Esposito is the last name the Orphanage gave to the orphans if nobody adopt them until they got booted out.’ I signed.  
“Okay. Now I don’t understand that. can you do it again again, but slower? and” he asked, “I’ll say what you sign so you would know how I understand.”

I nod, and thinking where should I start before I signed.  
‘Children’ I signed, and let him repeat, “kids?” it’s not the same word, but at least same meaning.‘Will have’, he gave me confused look, “Uh… I don’t quite…” he said as he trying to figured out. I mouthed the word as I signed. Even there’s no voice, I’m sure he can read lips. “Have?” I quickly nod when he finally got it.

I pointed ‘Esposito’ I wrote on the paper.   
“Esposito, your last name?”  
‘After’  
“After…”  
“They leaved Orphanage”  
“Leave? leave where?” he asked.

I’m glad he tried to understand, it’s pretty rare to find someone who really trying to talk with me, but I think the word, ‘Orphanage’ might be too hard for beginers. So I grab a paper, and write ‘Orphanage’.

His face turns sad when he saw the word, he look guilty as if he thought he just being rude for asking.

“Oh, oh I’m sorry” he said with his head shook, “I don’t know it hurt you or not, but I’m sorry. I have no idea you’re orphan.”  
“It’s fine” I signed.  
“If you need something, or there’s something I can do...just let me know, ok?” he asked, and I nodded.

We finished our pie, and I help him clean the dishes. He pick up his illustration, and show it to me. 

“What do you think?” he asked, and I gave him thumbsup, the most easiest sign, “Thanks” he replied as he put his hat on.

We got out from the room, I was about to get back inside me room. But he called my name before I did. So I turn around.

“I enjoy talking with you, see you soon” he said.

There’s no words to tell how much I thank him. This kind, sweet man who had tried to learn sign language so that we can communicate and befriended even I can’t speak a word. 

I signed “Thank you.” I knew he have no idea what it meant.

But his face shone brightly as he realizes what I meant. He gave me a gentle smile and repeat what I signed to me “Thank you.” before he finally leaved. I closes my own door with a sigh, and lean my head against it. 

>>>>

We enter Karian’s old nest, and pulled a book out from the drawer /// Karian used black rock to make small twins of him, and his lover /// I still remember how much they loved each other /// It’s still hard to believe it’s 20 years already since everything happened. 20s years already since we visited the God Land behind the barrier.

Our Mother still sleeping in her nest, so we got off from the cave, and get ready to start the day /// We can sense someone near, so we turned around found our father stood there with begging eyes.

“What do you want” we chirped annoyingly.  
“I missed you” he chirped sadly, “I want you and your mother to come back home.”

We can’t say we miss him because he bearly spended time with us. This quarell was between mother, and him, but we don’t hate him anyway /// It’s pretty hurt to look at those kids with their father, because deep down in our heat we still want to have a father like normal kids too.

>>>>

We went for fishing with our father, we almost forgot when was the last time we spended time together /// We sat on the boulder, and enjoy our meal /// He don’t speak a word and so do we, if there weren’t river sound it would be totally silent as night.

“Why do you hate white human?” We asked.  
“They killed your grand mother…” he replied simply, “Her curiosity called her toward the shore, I was so young when it happened. Grand father saved me, I was there, but I couldn’t do anything.” Why does he never tell mom, or us? “I hated them since then, even your grand father already warn me to not blame all white human for one white human’s fault. I realized when it’s too lated.” He chirped sadly, “And it cost my brother’s life”.  
“No one can change the past, all we can do was learn from it” We replied, “We’ll speak to mom about it, and after that it’s up to her. Plus: There is no me there is only we” We explained before he get confused.

He nodded with smile in tears and hugged us /// We have a lot to make up, we hope mother won’t be too close minded, we want this hated to end, so it would trouble our heart no more.

We returned back to the cave for dinner, mother already finished her cooking /// So we helped her with the plates, we don’t want her to do everything alone /// We promised our father we’ll talk to mother about God Land, but where should we start?

“Do you love father?” We asked.  
“We do” She replied simply.  
“But you still blamed him...don’t you?” we asked gently.  
“No…” she replied as she look away.  
“But he blamed himself” We told her

>>>>

I went to the supermarket near the theater and bought all things I need food, shoes, records, and etc stuff. I came home at 5:30 with hands full of bags. Grab my key and unlock the door, I was about to enter my apartment, but I heard Giles’s coming from the front door.

“Welcome back, child” He said with bags in his hands, “Is that for dinner?” he asked and pointed at the bags.  
I nodded, “Wanna join?” I asked back.

I let him in my apartment, and place his shoe in the shoes cabinet. We placed our stuffs on the sofa in the living room. I let him waited on the dinning table as I cooked. He was reading book at at the table, it’s ASL? I smiled as he read it. I can’t believe it, he really trying! I finished cooking, and placed Omelette in front of him.

“Wow!” he said excitedly, “Thanks”

We finished our meal, and clean the dishes. I told him he can just relax, but he still insist to helped me with the plates as I cleaned the pot and turner anyway. He looked at stuff I bought as we clean.

“You’ve bought a lot, what job do you do?” he asked.  
“None” I replied.  
“Seriously?” He asked, “How you gonna pay the rent everymonth if you don’t get a job?”  
“I don’t know”, I replied simply, “ Do you know any job I can do?” I signed slowly for him to understand.

He rub his bald head, and look up as he’s trying to think. I don’t think there’s any job I could do. I never have good score in school, I have only few dnace skill and ASL. Maybe the only job I can do is dance in the club or just simply be a whore like what everyone in the Orphanage called me.

“I have an idea!” he said brightly, “You’re good at cooking, and I didn’t have many friend. Can you cook for me everyday, and look after my apartment when I’m out? I’ll pay the rent for you every month”

I nod quickly, why not!? it’s the most easiest job ever! Just cook, clean up, and keep him company. I don’t have to go work out side. Giles room is was only next door, so it’s just like work from home!

“Thank you” I signed and hugged him.  
“You’re welcome, child” replied and gently rub my back.

He’s so kind! we know each other for only 1 day, and already show me his kindness. I wish I know him faster, I wish he found me when I was a baby. If he raise me I might have a lot better life!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giles, and Elisa finally meet!!! and she’s still spolling herself after she’s out from the orphanage LOL I read the book:Guillermo del Toro's The Shape of Water: Creating a Fairy For Troubled Times, it said in 1946 Giles still have his job. SO I believe he could pay the rent for Elisa to if she help him around.


	16. At My Neck

1946, Room A, Loft Apartment, Orpheum Theatre, Baltimore.

5 AM: The alarm goes off! 10:45 PM. I opens my eyes. Lifts the mask, and looked around. I got off from bed, and head to the bathroom with barefoot. I can hear the music from the theater as I turn on the bathtub. It was only 2 minutes that i enjoyed the tub before I have to get clothes on, and cook for.

I ripped off a paper from the wall calendar and opens a window, letting the fresh air in. It such a nice day. I pick my green shoe from the shelf, and and shined them, at the table. I put them on, and put Giles’s breakfast in a clean plate.

I unlocked my door, and leaved my apartment with Giles food in my hand. I unlock the door across my room with the key that Giles gave me. His room was entirely full of books. There are half- finished illustrations, original art from advertisements. Two cats, Snowflake and Lillie stroll lazily. 

I put his breakfast plate down on a side table as he finally finish dress up. He finished his breakfast, an took his finished paint. He turns on the TV so at least I would hear something as I’m alone here.

“I’ll come back around 5,” he told me and I nodded.  
“I’ll prepare dinner” I signed.  
“Good” he replied, and walk toward the door, “Take care, child” he said brightly before he leaved.

I putd my aproon on, and clean his dishes after he leaved, and fed the cats. I wonder why does he need to have so many of them. I hated it when their fur caught on my clothes and shoes. I clean his bedroom, and fold the sheet. I get his pajamas, and wash it clean with the washing machine.

I cleaned the sink, the mirror, and the toilet before I scrubbed the huge porcelain tub. His working areas is always the most messy area. I noticed a half finished work on the easel. He’s probrably gonna work on it when he comes back. So I think it might be better if I leave it alone, and clean only the space surround it.

I finished all my cleaning work at 12:00, and washed my hands clean. I cooked I walk back to my room, and have my lunch. I locked both mine, and Giles’s door after I finished, and walked to a market near by.

I’ve shoped a recipe I needed, but before I leave I notice a huge red signed on the wall: Record Player 70% Price Off!!!. I bought it without hesitate, I have bunch of record at home! it’s time for a new record player!

I took the record from my room, and turn off Giles TV. I played the record ‘To Each His Own - Freddy Martin’, and danced as I’m preparing Giles dinner. The sound quality is amazing!

>>>>

I placed Giles dinner in front of him, and eat mine at the opposite side of the table. I can feel somethings troubling him, even he look fine, but I know him better than that. Maybe I just have to asked.

“How was your day?” I signed, “at work.”  
“It’s good” He replied simply, “It’s getting a bit harder to sell it because photographs starts to developed, but at least I manage to sold my work.”  
“The photographs are more realistic, but it’s not artistic to me though” I signed, “ I like your paintings.  
“Well, thanks! child” he chuckle.

He look at the record player I’ve bought. I’m surprised that he just realized it was there when the music have been on for hours already. 

“You’ve bought that?” he asked, and I nod. “You gotta learn how to spare your money, child, it didn’t come to you as easy as you think, or at least you should keep some for emmergency.”  
“I know” I signed, “I’ll try”

We finished our dinner, and I clean the dishes as he fed the cats. I look at those girls sketch. Sนme of them were nudes, some wearing little clothes, some of them wearing ball gown.

“Can you draw me like that?” I said and pointed at his sketch.

He looked at the sketch I’ve just pointed, it’s a woman lying on her stomarch on bed naked with only one sheet covering her butt. He look back at me in surprised because of my boldness.

“Are you sure?” he asked.  
“Yeah” I signed simply, “ I wanna have some sketch of my nude.”, I noded, “But don’t sell it”  
“Ok” he replied in confuse, “I’ll prepare the coal”.

He prepared his coal and easel after set the bed into a nice position. I disrobe, and laid down on bed with the sheets covering my butts because I don’t wanna show my stretchmark. I have to stayed in position longer than I thought, but at least I got a very sastisfied work.

My hair looks a bit weird in the sketch because it was dark at the top to my neck, but bellow that I’ve bleached it blonde.

I put the sketch in a frame, and hang it in my living room. I’m glad I’ve wore a corset since I was 17, I looked a lot better than I thought. I wished I could be like those stars in the magazine, they have amazingly flawless body.

>>>>

March 23 1948

I was sleeping in my bed until I heard loud noices from outside. Maybe it’s from Giles room, but it’s not his work time yet, shouldn’t he still be in bed? All my thought goes away when I heard the knocks on my door along with Giles’s voice.

“Jeane! Jeane!!!” I quickly ran to the door as his voice still calling me.

I open the door, and found him desperating in front of my door in my pajamas. What’s going on!?

“Jeane! something happened at the at the Klien & Saunders Ad Agency Company” He said desperately, “You don’t have to cook or clean for me today, but can you look after my room and th cats until I’m back?”  
I noded, I don’t know what happened, but I know it must be important, “Ok, thank!” He said, and hugged me before he leaved in his pajamas.

>>>>

I sat on the sofa in his room with the cats sleeping on the floor. It’s been hours since he left, what’s going on? I have a bed feeling about this. I know it’s crazy, but I can feel it...something’s wrong.

I walk to the bathroom, and turned on the bathtub. I stripped myself, and slid down into the water. I run my fingers in my hair and try to calm myself down. Fuck! I hate this feeling...being anxiety, vulnerable, and insecure.

The water almost reach the rim of the tub, I slid down beneath the water, and opened my eyes. I stay like that until I felt like something moved at my neck. I quickly rised above the surface to breathe. I reached the both side of my neck where the scar was and I swear I felt something moved but when I touch it again, it’s nothing. I got off from the bath, and look in the mirror. It’s still look exactly the same, maybe I’m just paranoid.

I put on clothes and dried my hair. I sat on the sofa with a magazine in my hands. I look through price cut, and fashion pages. I saw some ads in it, it was mostly done by photographs more than illustration. The old stuffs start to dies everyday. I hope it won’t effect Giles career, his life depended on it, he love arts more than anything, and he have to pay the rent for me. 

I turned the pages and then found colleges for Performing Arts. There were Goucher College, University of Baltimore. It reminded me of my childhood, I used to wanna get in there more than anything, but I’m 23 now. I wonder what Rosa, and Gilbert would say if they weren’t end up doomed.

I stayed with my thought until I heard Giles unlock the door from outside. He returned in his pajamas exactly like how he left. He look at me with those eyes that were dim with sadness instead of the sparkle I’ve always see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! little wild side of Elisa! I don’t think being sketch in nude is a big deal as long as you do it for art, not for porn. I have one too, and I did it for art without showing to much, but it’s normal for you to see some of those moron commenting inapropriate stuff to you even all they see was your back.
> 
> I wanna give out some more signes of mermaidness in her, I mean she love to be in the bathtub, then I’m pretty sure sure her gills must at least does something, but she judt don’t know it.


	17. Miss Me?

Giles and I sat at the opposite side of the dinning table in my kitchen. We can’t eat anything due to the tense situation.

“Burnie got car crash this morning, he’s in hospital, the company have to paid a lot for his treatment. They need to delay everyone salaries including mine.” his next words scared me more than anything, “I might not have enough money to pay the rent for your room this month.”

There we go...I must do something. I can’t let to him carry my burden when he already have his with his salary. Maybe I have to go find some job, small jobs like bartender, mail delivery, baby sister, or chef?

“I’ll go look for some job” I signed, “And when your salary is back to normal, I’ll work with you again.”  
“You don’t have to, child. I’ll talk with, Mr. Arzoumanian, maybe he’ll let me delay the pay.”  
“At least let me try” I signed, “In case if we can’t delay the pay.”, but I hoped that won’t happen.

>>>>

Newspapers were piled in front of my door like a white mountain along another letters I’ve never ever read. But today I need to find jobs for myself, so I looked through career pages on the newspapers. Most of the jobs looked for people with high education which I don’t have, the the jobs I can take mostly are boring and payless, it won’t be enough to pay for the rent of my room.

I looked through pages until it ended at ‘Entertainer Casting’ pages. I stopped immidiately, it’s the kind of jobs I’ve always wanted! I quickly grab my red marker from the table, and marked the career I will try to apply.

‘Gem Club: Dacers Wanted 50$ per week’, I have dance skill so I hope it won’t be hard, I just have to deal with client. ‘Maryland State Fair: Clown Wanted 40$ whole day’, I think I know how to entertain the kids, cause I like children. “Baltimore Magazine: Cover girl wanted 100$’, one of my dream job, in case if I’m lucky.

I woke up, and dressed up in the most beautiful I dress I have that match with my most expensive shoe. I left the letter at Giles front door before I leaved the corridor. I ran down from fire escape and passed the cinema. I walk across the street and wait for the bus at the bus bench.

How could it have come to this? me...looking for a job. Me...working? it’s ridiculous. I wonder what Gilbert, and Rosa would say if they’re still with me, but I guess Sister Lilah would be very very proud.

I whistle with thoughts in my head until the bus finally came. I’m almost entirely alone, on the bus if there weren’t a fat guy snoring near by. I pulled the newspaper out from my bag, and look at the first place I have to go.

>>>>

(Author’s Note - This part is Giles point of view)

I woke up, and find Jean’s breakfast waited for me on the table with a letter. I quickly open it, hope she didn’t have moved out.

‘Gotta go look for job, bless me! - Jeane’

That was all she wrote, but at least it confirm that she won’t leave this apartment forever. I finish my breakfast, and prepare to leave. I’ll have to go visit Bernie at the hospital. I check all my stuff before I leave, and locked the door.

A yound man around Jeane’s age passed me at the corridor. He stop in front of Jeane’s room, is he her boyfriend? why she never talk about him? or maybe she just hired a room keeper to llok after her room while she’s out. However, I hope it’s not the new neighbor who’s gonna live in there if Jeane get kick out.

>>>>

(Author’s Note - Back to Elisa’s point of view)

\- Gem Club

Girls stood in lines as they wait for the stuff to give the queue number. They handed us the outfits and told us to get change. It look very small, at first I thougt I was to fat until I put it on. It’s very skin revealing which made me chilled to my bone. It’s very very short, almost looking like a lingerie to me. Even I’ve been wearinf short all my life, but that was too short for me.

I can shake the feeling of shame of my chest as I look at myself at the mirror. It’s not what I expected at all. I thought they’ll give beautiful outfit or some thing nice like broadway or gowns, but instead, they gave outfit that made me looked like a whore, and my bleached hair made it look worst. If they don’t have enough budget for the nice outfit, I’m fine with that, but I just hope that at least they make it more appopriate.

I took it all of and put on my old clothes before I leave dressing room. All the girls that waited outside in lines look at me in surprised as if wondering why am I denied a very well paid job. I won’t deny that this job pay a lot perday but I won’t pay my dignity for 50$ for sure.

I looked at the ‘Fun Fair: Clown Wanted 20$ whole day’ highlight on the newspaper as I wait for the bus at the bench. I hope next place won’t end up like this, but it’s a clown job, entertaining kids, I don’t think it would be explicit.

I got on the bus, and pulled out my marker. I crossed the ‘Gem Club: Dacers Wanted 50$ per week’ article out from my list. Next the next one was a Clown Audition for the fun fair next week. The audition place was in the Lutherville-Timonium 2 hours away from my apartment.

>>>>

God! this is a lot worse than the last time! the performers have to bring their own clown outfit, and props along with a mini show for the audition! That’s a lot, I would need a car of my own to take all those stuff from my apartment to here! I don’t understand at all! why the hell don’t they put in the newspaper in the first place to let us know what we have to prepare!

I stood in a very very long lines of people who dressed in colourful clown outfit. All I have was a dress with a pair of show with one tote bag They all look at me as if they were happy that I won’t have this job. The stuff called me up to the stage, so I walk up, and placed my bag on the floor next to me.

“Where’s your outfit?” The judge asked.  
“You didn’t write in in the newspaper” I signed back.

The judges look at me in confuse, before they all sighed with hands in their faces. Good, I’m doomed.

“You have 10 second, show us what you can do.” A woman judge said.

I show them some of my dance moves, I did the best I can to show them that even if I’m mute it won’t effect my skill. I can practice, and develop myself more.

“stop, Stop, STOP!!!” the judge shouted, cause me to jumped, “You called that dancing? you dump! a lot of girls could dance better than you!! Some of them are even younger than you! and you can’t even talk! you have no idea how to communicate!”  
“You’re done, Miss.” the woman judge said, “Thanks for coming”.

I pick up my bag, and walk closer to them. They look at me in horror as if I’m gonna kill them. I raise my hand up, and signed the words I’ve always wanted to do more than anything.

“F-U-C-K Y-O-U” I signed as slow and cleared to make sure they know what I said.

They deserve it, they are a dick! I’m mute so what? and one last time, I’m MUTE! NOT DEAF!!! how long it’s gonna take for some one to stop thinking I can’t hear them? it’s anoying!!!

I’m too upset in the bus, I need to have private travel so I wouldn’t get too distracted. So I got my self and taxi, and showed him the adress for the next place. 

I pulled out my marker as I’m sitting at the back of the taxi. I crossed the ‘‘Fun Fair: Clown Wanted 20$ whole day’ article out from my list, it’s a lot more disapointed more than the previous one. 

Next one the next one was my last hope, and I hope it won’t let me down, because I really need that money!

>>>>

\- Bocciare Studio

The secretary handed me a very very long application form. Bunch of hot girls were still waiting for the queue. Only one of us will be on the cover, and others will be kick out. But I hope they’ll at least paying of everyone who’ve travel all the way here.

I looked at the form, they asked for almost every information about me. I filled in everybox I could, but I wish there’s a box I can write “I’m Mute”.

They called me right after I finished the form. They don’t said a word to me, they’ve done my make up, and costume, prepared me for the shoot. It was faster than I thought, maybe because they were professional. I was about to asked for my paid after we’re finished but…

“We’ll send you the money after your photo is on the cover”

>>>>

I threw the news paper in the bin before I got in the taxi. These job didn’t help me at all, it didn’t bring me any money. I guess I’ll have no choice more than selling my most expensive shoe to pay the rent.

I laid my head on the window and close my eyes as I took the bus back home. How long earn one month to pay the rent was already hard for me, I don’t wanna imagine how hard it was for Giles to pay both his and mine.

I walk up from the fire-escape to my room, I guess Giles was already in his room. I was gonna unlock my door, but...it wasn’t lock? I quickly got inside, lock the door and hope the thief didn’t came here. I check around the house to make sure all my stuff were still there.

“Miss me? Jeane" a voice asked from behind me. 

Oh no Kevin!

Why the hell did he came here!? I never ever wanna see him again! He look exhausted almost like a ghost. His eyes made me shudders because I know what ever reason he came it’s not a good reason, I need to get out of here!

“What do you want?” I signed shakely almost unreadable after I tried to ran to the door but he blocked it.

All my body hair stood up as he looked at me with that darkly hungry eyes. It made me felt very uneasy.

“My shop was already shut down, I’m totally broke.” He snorts to himself, “but I won’t go back to UK yet if I haven’t take what’s mine yet”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not that easy to find a job, and I can’t let she have another job, because I need her to work in Occam so she could meet Zelda and Charley:)


	18. Night Shift Janitorial Position

For all my life, I thought I was strong, and grown up enough to live my own life. But I guess I’m wrong, cause right now I’m nothing different than a prey in hunter’s grip. My knees began growing weak as I watch him licked his lips. He smiled cravingly as he moved his hand to feel my legs. I don’t have to guess anymore what he wanted. He moved closer so slowly enough to make me suffocate. I was frozen in fear as my body sweat.

"I’ll make you scream, bitch!" 

I closed my eyes and looked away as he moved his face closer to me. He bended down and grabs me beneath my thighs and lifts me up. I struggle as he carry me to my bedroom, and threw my on my bed roughly. He moved on top of me and stopped between my legs.   
“NO! please!! don’t do this!!!” I signed shakely as I cried.  
But that didn’t help, so I shook as hard as I could to get out of him, but he was too strong. He grab the clock from the table, and whipped my head hard enough to make me dizzy, but I still can see...I saw it all clear.

He turned his disgusting ugly face with cruel smile to me as he ripped all my clothes off so easily as if I never protect myself at all. He stripped himself, and smirked when I was finally bare to him. 

And that was when he did it to me, it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe because the nuns and sisters keep filling my heads with the words ‘Beware of the rapist’ more than millions times already in my life since I was little, so it’s like deep down in my heart I’ve already prepared for this.

His moans ehoed in my ears as he gripped me so tight to where I felt like can’t breathe. I could feel it right between my legs, the pressure was pain as it spreads me uncomfortably wided. Something inside me have broke, and then it slowly became a strange blissful feeling. 

It goes on and on like that until my mind finally gone hazed before I drowned into the ecstasy that I have never experienced before. It shoots straight up from between my legs to my whole body. I opened my mouth in a silent scream as my body trembles with my legs shivering. 

I laid perfectly still with my back to him as he put his clothes on after he finished with me. He grab all his stuff and leaved in the next morning as if he just finish his bussiness with a whore. I don’t make any sound until he finally finished dressing.

I sighed after the door have finally closed after he left. I sat up on bed, and pulled the sheets to covered my chest. I did cried but somehow, not in shame, because I already know what womens would feel after they’re being rape. I cried because of the pain on my body, and stupidness that let this happened.

>>>>

(Author’s Note - This part is Giles point of view)

I was painting my new work before the very loud knocks came from the door. I got off from the easle and open the door just to find the most mournful sight of Jeane in front of me. 

“Oh god! JEANE!!!” I gasped

She was laying weaked on her knees with only one robes loosely covering her bruised body. Her hair was a messed as she looked up at me tears stream down her eyes.

‘Do you have some medicine?’ she signed hopelessly.  
“Come in, I’ll make you some soup.” I replied, and helped her up by her 

She sank down on the couch beside the television right after I brought her in. I made her soup, and gave her painkillers. I remember the way she walk as if she’s hurting, she was raped.

>>>>

(Author’s Note - Back to Elisa’s point of view)

“Who did this to you?” he asked seriously.  
“Kevin” I signed, “I haven’t seen him 3 years already, I don’t know how did he got my adress”.

I stared down at my own reflection in the shinny plate just to look away so I wouldn’t feel so ashamed of myself.

“It’s my fault, I saw him at the corridor, but I didn’t stop him.” He blamed himself, “I should have know he’s not your friend.”  
“It's doesn’t matter, whether it’s your fault, mine, or his fault.” I signed, “I’m doomed, I can’t find any jobs, don’t have any money” I signed hopelessly, “I’ll need to sell my shoe”.

He turns to look at me in horror because of my last words, he knew I love my shoes more than anything.

“You don’t have to do that, Jeane. If you can’t pay the rent, you can live in my room” he said quickly, “And when my finace is finally back to normal, you can move back to your room.”  
“It’s ok, I must learn to live by myself, and I can’t asked for your help forever.” I signed, “I’ll go find a job, but don’t worry I’ll still keep you company”  
“Up to you” he said kindly, “But if you need helps, just let me know, ok? don’t push yourself too hard.”

I nodded, I’m lucky I have him as my neighbor, because if I don’t, I don’t think I would be able to talk with anyone again after what happened. I would end up panic, and send to mental hospital like Rosa.

>>>>

I walk back to my apartment, and found a letter at the front door waited for me. It’s from a hospital. I open it, and find another bad news today: Rosa’s dead, she hung herself in the hospital room. I sank down on the floor and leaned against the door.

I understand her, life couldn’t be more worst than this anymore. I guess Rosa have faced the same fate like I have, she might didn’t get rape, or have no jobs like me, but I know her life was tough.

I opened the drawer, and look at my clothes, most of them are shorties, and crop tops. I put all stuff I can sell in the box: expensive shoes, clothes, and some decorate stuff. I closed the box, and sighed, I’ll have to sell it to the Second-hand shop tomorrow. 

I don’t wanna sell it, because it won’t make a good price like when I bought it, but I really need money, and there are few clothes that I don’t think I would be able to wear it without feeling shame.

>>>>

I walk to the bathroom, and turned on the bathtub. I stripped myself, and slid down into the water. I quickly clean myself with soap to get rid of all the touches he left on my body. I don’t want to have anything of him left on me.

I wanna forget it...all of it. People’s mock, Rosa’s death, and how my virginity was taken by a bitch when it’s suppost to belong to the love of my life. I hate what he did to be, but I can’t denied I love how it felt. It would be a lot better if it was done by who I truly love, but it’s pointless to hope, because that man can’t be real

I closed my eyes, and skates my my hand between my thigh. I squirmed as I felt my finger against my core. I moaned as I moved the other hand to gripping the edge of the tub. It’s getting harder to breathe as I reached for the pleasure I remember.

It snapped me out from of my thought as I lets my head fell back against the tub before my breathing slowly returned to normal.

I stood up, put on bathrobe, and walk back to my bedroom. I put on pajamas with eye mask on my forhead, and ready to go to bed, but before I did I saw my reflection on a mirror on the wall at the opposite side from the shoes wall. Even I can clearly see myself in there, but some how I felt invisible, as if I’m nobody.

I can’t force myself to look at it, and I cannot dared myself to touch the bed even after I’ve clean it. So I took the clock and with one pillow and a knitted blanket and walk to the couch near by.

I sat on the right side of the couch, and placed the pillow at the edge of the left side. I covered my eyes with the mask, and thought to myself: maybe living in a dream is a lot easier than real life.

>>>>

I’m surprised at how I dressed today. When was the last time I truly dress appropriate? Mostly I weared short, with tanks or crop top. I tried to wear it this morning but I can’t...I felt disgusted of myself. So I wore a white shirt with a knee long grey skirt, which doesn’t look like what I would wear at all.

I brought my stuff to the secondhanded shop, and tried to sell it as much as I could. It earned me so little, but at least it’s enough to pay the rent for this month. However I’m glad I have get rid of all those clothes, I don’t think I’ll be able to wear it again, because my oldself have already died.

I sold almost everything except my records, some cheap shoes, and head bands. I cried quietly as I sold my most luxury shoe, and leave with a grey sneaker on my feet. I looked at my reflection from the shop window, and asked myself ‘Is there still any part of Jeane left in me?’

>>>>

I took the bus back to the Orpheum Theater with the money that cost almost everything I loved. I almost took the stairs if I didn’t notice an ad from “OCCAM AEROSPACE RESEARCH CENTER” on the wall. I walk closer to the paper to read, “Night Shift Janitorial Position - 10$ Per Hour”. I quickly ripped that paper off from the wall and take it to my apartment. 

I took out another blank paper, and wrote the rental price I have to pay every moth ‘800$’. If I take the job at the Occam I’ll get pay 10$ per hour, and it’s a night shift from 12:00 - 04:30. So it’s 40$ perday, after I calculated everything, the result is I’ll earn around 1,000+ per month.

I’ll have enough money to pay the rent, and still have few money left for buying food, but that’s mean I’ll have to work a lot harder than when I work with Giles. But that’s all I could asked for, because no matter what at the end of the day I’m just an uneducated mute woman.

So say goodbye to all the party, and times I have wasted in my life. I’ll never have everything I want, but at least I’ll everything I need. I’ll still have the roof over my head, even if it leaks, and sparsely furnished, but at least I have food to eat, and enough money to pay the rent. I still have Giles as my friend, and sometimes father figure, and that’s good enough for me

I might be able to collect few money from each months to buy few things after I pay the rent, but at least if I can survive this month...I’m fine with it. I’m no longer a child, I’m a woman, an adult...I must learn how to be responsitbility, and patient.

It will be torture, and painful but I wanna believe it will be easier by time. Someday it will be my day...the day I feel the happiness after all that I’ve been, because this is all I am, and all I can be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you guys know what will happen next. I believe everyone have different reason for masturbate more than horny. I want to give more depth into the reason for Elisa’s masturbation, and why she hated her bed in her apartment. So in her case, the reason for it was to distract herself from what she’ve missed in her life, the memories she want to forget, and the dream that can never be true.


	19. Elisa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve read Zelda’s bio, and found out that she ranaway from her parent’s house after she was almost rape by her father’s friend. She used all money she have to travel to Baltimore, where she found Brewster. He was actually a good man before they’re finally married, and moved in together. Which I’m not surprised for teen couple, but I can honest say they last pretty long.

I studied the bus schedule before I leave my room with my bottle-green dress on. However, there was one thing I forgot to check: the weather. It’s rain a lot like hell, I have to force myself not to cry after all the disaster.

I grabbed my umbrella, and prepared to leave, but the storm was too hard, so it ripped my umbrella into piece. I notice Giles in his car, the pug. I guess he was about to go somewhere to, but he stopped when he saw me.

“Where are you going?” He asked with his head peak out from the window.  
“Apply for job” I signed.  
“Get in!”

I walk to the car and take the seat next to his. I showed him the Occam’s ad with location, he nodded, and then handed me a towel to wipe all the water out as he drove me to Occam.

>>>>

\- OCCAM AEROSPACE RESEARCH CENTER

I sat on the chair in the corridor in front of Mr. Flemming’s office. I’m not surprised why not many people came here today, only 6 people. It’s raining like crazy, only people who’ve lost everything would come here today. 

The secretary handed me an application form with a blue pen. I filled all the information and leave my name for the last. I hated my name, but now I hate ‘Jeane’ too. I cannot not using both name, but I guess I can shorten it “Elisa Jeane Esposito”

“Hi” the black chubby woman age around 20s who sat next to me said with a smile, “I’m Zelda Fuller” she offer her hand.

I smiled, and shakes hand with her...and I have no idea how to go on from this. When was the last time I have girls friend?

“Well, nice to meet you” she said, and looked at my paper, “Elisa”.

‘Ae-Lye-Sa’, she pronounced it wrong, but it sounds good than I thought. Elisa...at least better than “Ae-Lee-Sa”. 

“I’m Yolanda” the Maxican homely woman spoke up, “In case if I never told you”  
“I’m Antonio” the black crossed-eye man said, and then pointed at his toothless friend, “This is Duane”  
“I’m Lucille” The youngest paled woman introduce her self.

I was about to signed to them to let them know I can’t talk but the secretary called me to Mr. Flemming’s office for the job interview. I haven’t spoke a word to her, or let her know that I’m mute. Then I guess she already thought I hate her.

>>>>

(Author’s Note - This part is Zelda’s point of view)

I got called into the interview right after Elisa, so I got no chance to talk to her. I guess she’s a painfuly shy person, because she didn’t speak any word when we talked. I finished my interview, and was about to leave for lunch, but I notice Elisa at the elevator.

I quickly ran to her before the door closed, maybe I can invited her to join lunch. But I guess I didn’t ran fast enough, but luckily she saw me, and push the button to let me in. 

“Hi” I pant as the elevator closed, “You’re going home?” I asked, and she shook her head.

I was about to asked her to go for lunch with me, but the elevator’s door opened. I expected her to leave me, but intead she took my hand, and took me outside, I’m surprised that it’s no longer raining.

She led me to a teal mini van with a guy around 50s waiting. The panic start to hit me, are they gonna kidnap me?

(Author’s Note - Back to Elisa’s point of view)

I can see Zelda was panic, so I let go of her hand, and glad that she didn’t leave. I look back at Giles to signed.

“Her name is Zelda, can you translate me for her?” I signed to him, cause Zelda to give me confused look.  
“Ok” he replied kindly, “Hello Zelda, I’m Giles” he introduce himself to Zelda who were still confused. “I guess you’ve already meet my friend Jeane, and she can’t talk. She asked me to ask you, ‘Do you want to join our lunch?’.” 

I gave her a smiled as she was still looking at us in confused, before smiling and replied back simply.

“Why not?”

I sat at the back of the van with Zelda, as she asked me to teach her ASL. Giles drove us to a restaurant near by, and ordered our lunch.

“So did they accept you? Jeane” Giles asked as we’re still wait for meal.  
“Yes,” I signed, “Canteen cleaner first, I’ll have worker id card for the whole building after I work there at least 2 years”  
“Wait!” Zelda interrupted, “What is your name, exactly?” she asked, “Jeane, or Elisa?”

How am I gonna explain my name to both Giles, and Zelda at the same time? God I wish I have change my name earlier or and least when I’m with only Giles, or only Zelda.

“Her full name is Elisabeth Jeane Esposito” Giles replied for me, “But I like the name Elisa, by the way.” he said to me.  
“I know, right?” I signed, “It’s sounds a lot better than Jeane”

Actually I don’t give a damn about how it sound, I just felt like I can’t go by the name of Jeane without feeling shame or stupid anymore. 

We talk about life awhile until our lunch finally came, this is the first time in forever that I each lunch with more than one people after Rosa, and Gilbert. I’m happy that Zelda try to understand me even I’m just a stranger who work in the same place with her. It’s so rare to find people like both Giles and Zelda.

“So, do you live in Baltimore since you were born, or you moved her from another city? Zelda” Giles asked.  
“Nope, I’m born here.” She replied simply before she starts the long chat about her life, “My house is at the Milton St, not very far from here.”

>>>>

(Author’s Note - This part is Zelda’s point of view)

We talk all the way home, actually it’s me who end up talking, because Elisa can’t talk. But I’m surprised at how she found her own way to comminicate, and kept the chat flows. 

Giles stopped the car in front of my house, I was about to leave, but Elisa grab my hand and signed something.

“From now on we’ll have to work together everynight, and I won’t lie that I’m not good at friendship at all.” Giles interpreted, “I’m horrible at it, actually. But I’m still trying to adjust myself,” Giles interpreted. 

Elisa took a breath as if she truly speaking to me even without voice. I’m not surprised why she’s horrible at it, having friend is already hard, being muted make it worst. However, there’s something strange in the way she talk, I saw the sadness, and shame clearly in her eyes even I don’t know why.

“I’ve wasted my life, and yes, I’ve paid the price.” Giles interpreted as her face turns sad, “I want to start again, but I have no right to ask you to be my friend, so if you’re gonna avoid me, it’s ok, because no matter how much I’ve tried...I’m just an mute.”

Her hands shakes as tears welled in her eyes. I sighed as I looked at her again as she’s still waiting for my answer. She looked so hopeless as if she got nothing more to loose.

“Listen to me, girl” I don’t know how old is she, but she looks younger than me, “Life is just a giant class room. I’m no different from you, I’m just a girl who ran away from my house, and married at the age 17. ” I chuckle, “ I didn’t need a reason to be your friend. I chosen to be your friend because I wanted to.

>>>>

(Author’s Note - Back to Elisa’s point of view)

I surprised by what she said, but what surprised me more was the fact that we’ve talked to the point where we forgot that Giles have already opened the van’s back door. Giles help her out from the van I grabbed my ASL Dictionary, the one that sister Lilah gave me.

“In case if you wanna learn more” I signed and handed Zelda the book.  
“Thanks” She replied and took it.

I gave her a hug before she got back inside her house. Giles and I got back inside the van, but instead of driving, we decided to just sat there and think for awhile. God! what a weird Friday, 26.

“You guys gonna become a ride or die friend in the future.” he chuckle.  
“Yeah, just like us” I signed back.

>>>>

I stared out the window with a cup of hot coco in my hands as the puddle from the rain starts to disapeared into the night street. The work starts on monday, I’m so, excited! I have only 2 freedom days left, gonna have to use it worthly.

Everything happened so fast, it’s a huge change for me, totally upside down actually. But I can’t be weak, I have to be strong for myself. I have to be patient, because good things will always comes after bad things.

I finished my coco and almost take bath if Giles didin’t knocked the door. I didn’t see him from the opposite side of the door, but he’s the only person who would knock my door. I put on my robe, and walk to open the door.

“Elisa, I” He was about to say something but stop when he see all I wear was just a bath robe.

I know I didn’t wear anything beneath the robe, but it already covered my entired body. I don’t think that should troubling him.

“I did the ad for a Beauty Salon, and they gave me free voucher for hairdo, but as you can see that my hair is…” He struggle to finished his last word as he pointed at his bald head, “So do you wanna use it? I can drive you there, Zelda can come too.” he asked, and I quickly nod.  
“Of course! why not!?” I signed.  
“Ok, I’ll book the queue for tommorow” he said with a smile.  
“Thanks” I signed to him before he leaved.

I closed the door, and stared down on my dip bleach hair, it’s super duper damage. It’s time to get something good done before I go to work on the firstday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re almost at the ending of this book, so the question is should I write the fanfic for the film to add more scene to connect it to this fic, and the sequel or just skpi it, and go straight for sequel?
> 
> PS. I respect Guillermo, and will still keep his original idea.


	20. 1962, Amazon Rainforest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m glad I’ve wrote this fic, it’s so hard to write how Elisa went from being an impatient, short-tempered, and aggressive girl to a reliable, patient, caring, responsible, and independent woman. 
> 
> The hardest part was the fact that even she have to change herself, I still have to keep some of her childhood traits that appeared in the movie like her stubborness, and her courage LOL.
> 
> Elisa finally got her hair done! I don’t know Sally’s hair in the movie was real or wig because it was so perfect, but I saw a blogger got a hairdo like her by cut it short, and permed it. So...just keep it simple:)
> 
> It tearing me apart to write Charley being captured, but it’s the only way he will meet Elisa in the Occam lol The first shadow that moves above the tank before Elisa was Dimitri, beacause in the movie Dimitri looked at the tank first before Elisa.

(Author’s Note - This part is Zelda’s point of view)

I got a called from Giles last night, he did the ad for a Beauty Salon, and they gave him free voucher for hairdo. He gonna take Elisa there for a makeover, and he wanted me to be there with her as a girl friends, or advicer.

I said yes without hesitate. I saw her hair yesterday, it’s need to be fix! and I still have a lot of idea I can give her!!! so I woke early, and quickly cooked Brewster’s breakfast. I gave him a kiss goodbye, and leaved to take the bus to the adress that Giles gave me, Orphuem theater. 

I got down from the bus, and walk to the theater. Elisa, and Giles already waited at the turqiouse van. I sat at the back of the van with Elisa, and Giles drive like last time. The ride was pretty bumpy, but at least we reached there alive.

>>>>

(Author’s Note - Back to Elisa’s point of view)

I enter the salon with Zelda, and Giles. I’m surprised why where were no clients here. Is it close today? I thought to myself, but all the hairdresser were still there. Giles walk to the middle age woman who was a hairdresser.

“Excuse me, Miss.” the woman looked up after Giles called her, “I’m Gunderson, I’ve already booked the appointment for my daughter” he said, and pointed at me.

What!? me!? his daughter, and then I realized, the voucher can’t be share if I’m not related to him. So I quickly nodded as the hairdresser walked closer to look at me. She let me sat on a chair in front of a mirror, and checked my fried damage hair.

“Any requirement for the hairdo?” the hairdresser asked, “Colors, treatment, or trim?”  
“Well, we need to get rid of her bleached.” Zelda replied, and pointed at the hair from my shoulder to my waist, “add little c perm, and…” she turned the chair around to look at me, “sided fringe”  
“Great!” the hairdresser replied with a confident smiled.

She shampooed my hair, and then gave me hair-cut while it was still wet with Zelda watching. After she got rid of my my bleached she permed my hair with the very big hair rolls. Zelda, and Giles fell asleep as we wait for the perm to set. The hairdresser rinses my hair clean, and blowdried my hair. She set my fringe, and turned my chair to face Zelda, and Giles after it all done.

“Guys!” the hairdresser woke Zelda, and Giles, “What do you think?” she asked them.

They walked to me in surprised, I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror yet, but I hope it didn’t look bad. They looked at me before they smirked and nod.

“Not bad.” Zelda said to the hairdresser.

Zelda, and Giles gave little tip to the hairdresser before we leaved. She did a pretty good job with my hair but the fringe was so annoying. I have to keep pushing the fringe away from my face as we sat at the back of the van. We stopped in front of Zelda’s house, and got down from the van.

“Wait here” Zelda said to before she ran back inside her house.

We stood there for awhile until Zelda finally back. She walked to me, and place something on my head, I guess it’s headband.

“That’s a lot better” she said as she set my hair.  
“Thanks” I signed.  
“You’re welcome” she replied simply, “See you monday” she gave me a hug before she walk back inside her house.

>>>>

I invite Giles to join my dinner after he drove us back to the Theatre. We enjoyed our dishes until the thunder roared from out side, it’s raining. Giles and I walk out to look at the window.

God! when was the last time it’s rain this hard? it’s probrably gonna flood until tomorrow. I guess we’ll have to stay home on sunday, and then go straight to work on Monday. Damn! it’s alot more tense than it already was!!!

It’s starts to getting late, Giles went back to his room as the roof starts to leaked. I quickly grab the pots, and bowl to handle the drops. I can’t sleep, and I don’t know what to do for fun. So I grab a book on the shelf, Den lille havfrue.

It’s about a young mermaid who gave up her voice to bcomee human. I’m not so much into these love story, but at some point, I felt like I can relate to the mermaid as if I knew her, or I am...her.

I love music, but I’m muted, and only few people truly cares about me just like that mermaid. But the different was she was a princess, and I’m just...me. But that’s doesn’t matter, because in the end we both are just the worthless mutes.

I put the book back to the shelf, and was about to walk to the kitchen to find something to eat. And then.. all the lights goes off. Good! no electricity! I lighted the candle, and walked out the door. Giles’s light doesn’t work too.

“God NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I heard Giles’s screamed loudly from behind his door next to mine.

I guess he was working on his piece before the lights goes off, but I hoped it will go back to normal...right?

>>>>

(Author’s Note - This part is Zelda’s point of view)

“The precipitation last night was just a hint of what's yet to come. Those who can are encouraged to stay indoors or get an umbrella, because this is gonna be the strongest rain ever!”

I listened to the radio as I cooked dinner for Brewster and myself. The rain still heavy outside as Brewster marked the calendar. I wonder did it rain too in Elisa’s house or only mine. But it said rain all over Baltimore so...I believe it rained too. I guess we’ll have to stay home today, and then go straight to work tomorrow.

“Tomorrow is your work day, right?” Brewster asked.  
“Yes”, I replied and place the dishes on the table, “First day of work.”  
“Well, let’s hope the rain would stop tomorrow” He said as we ate or dinner, “So you wouldn’t be there late.”

>>>>

1962, Amazon Rainforest 

We walked back to the villege with all the fishes we’ve got, but instead of people running to us in joy, they were all gone /// We walked inside and found all the mens were death! /// They laid on the floor with bloods everywhere /// We’ve checked the wound, it’s from the same weapon that killed Karian 30s years ago /// 

We stood up, and tried to calm down /// Where’s mother? and the wemen, and children!? We search deeper into the villege and found mother was captured along with the wemen and children /// The man looked at me with his wide cruel eyes as he pointed the weapon on our mother’s head ///

“Stay there!” He shouted strongly, “Or she die” he said, and gripped our mother’s wrist tighter.

We’ve saw the danger of that weapon before, mother, and we can survive it if we didn’t get too many shot, but it will be the most painful wound /// Wemen won’t be able survive it, they already lost their men, they won’t be able to look after their children on their own /// But no matter what, we have to protect mother, father, and the gods behind the barrier weren’t here, and there’s no way they would come in time ///

We looked at the bad man and a translucent covered well next to him(Author’s note - It’s the tank) /// he planned to take our mother, and we can’t let that happen...there was only one thing we can do ///

We knelt before the badman who’s outer skin were covered in blood of the men he killed as he still pointed his gun on our mother /// We begged him, we begged him to let our mother and the villegers go and take us instead.

It was a soft warming dream. There was water, dark water…tons of it, pressing at me, but I didn’t drown. I floated weightlessly like a feather as my eyes are still closed. I breathed inside it better than I does here, in waking life…I enjoyed it until the alarm shaked the bedside table.

I jerks a bit by the sound as the mask still covering my both eyes, but from the chilled I felt on my skin...I know I’m awaked. Can’t I have a longer sleep? I wanna spend more time in this wonderful dream than living in this drafty room with cheap food and sputtering electricity. Even I didn’t hate it, I’m grateful for it actually, but I just wish...nevermind. I’ve already forgot about it.

I lift the mask off from my eyes, and turn around to see the world around me. It’s exactly the same like everyday that I have to live my life, the freezing temperature of the room, and the sound from the theater beaneath. I reached the clock to stop the alarm, it’s time to get to work.

>>>>

We can feel the water movements surround our body, but we can see nothing above /// Everything surround us were so suffocating, and so dark/// How long have it been since the bad man have put us into this container? There were barely enough space to move around /// We touch the barrier above us, it was made of glass, but a lot harder than normal glass ///

The bad man made it cleared that he saw us as nothing more than animal /// He beated us over and over again just to laughed when we cried out /// We’ve never understand why father hated White-Human, but now we think we do /// The faces of those White-Humans looking at us gave out nothing more than fear /// It’s completely different from how the way the villegers looked at us ///

We missed home, the thought of the kindness from the villegers, and mother made our heart ached /// We remember the faces of the childrens who played with us, and people smiles back in the villege ///

It have been so long to the point we were sure it have been days since the bad man took us /// We closed our eyes and struggled to breathe inside this stagnant water /// and suddenly, some thing have been pulled out from the top of the tank /// The light were still blinding to us as they moved the tank, the water around us moved erratically with each motion, almost cause us to vomit /// and then...it stopped.

Water waving in green surrounded us with the glass barrier above us /// We saw a shadow of a man beyound beyond the glass it’s gone /// Another shadow come closer as my eye sight slowly come back /// It was a pale hand, much smaller than the bad man’s, and that was when I finally see a paled human face with a pair of almond shaped brown eyes with shoulder lenght dark hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo...we finally get it done!!! Imagine this book is a real prequel movie that end with the scene of the alarm clock shaked on the bedside table, and Elisa moved to turn it off, but we don’t see her face yet until the scene when Charley was dragged into the T-4 through his point of view. What would it feel like when we finally see Sally Hawkins’s face before the end!? (If there’s really gonna be a prequel movie, I think they should cast younger actress to play young Elisa, and keep Sally for the last scene).
> 
> Second Book Soon! “The Shape Of Love!”


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